When the leaves fall down


I got reeled in by an image; Spotify homepage shows albums (I suppose, ones I may like) and there they were: Christmas songs. I’m not ready yet, no. I haven’t even put my costume on and consumed large amounts of tooth-rotting candy. I haven’t taken down the scary decorations and replaced them with more traditional Fall fare like Indian corn and cornucopias. We have yet to choose the largest, plumpest turkey and start planning the menu: which stuffing do we try this year? Shall we make cranberry sauce or just get the stuff from Fresh Market? No, I’m not there yet.

BUT, in my quiet office in the middle of the week, Mel Torme’s rendition of The Christmas Song slips smoothly from my computer’s speakers and puts me in a fine mellow mood. I guess this time of year is a conglomeration of all the feels surrounding the holidays. I usually find myself alternating between them, depending on weather or other circumstances.

I was just remembering how awful I felt during the summer. I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things going on from the middle of May and onward. It started with Elliot graduating from VPK and then spiraled: trips here and there, some vacations, some running, 10 trees coming down, new A/C, Iggy’s death, too much work, not enough money, the heat, etc. And now, all of that is just a blurry image; something that I know happened but can’t exactly complain about now. Made it through and I feel calmer, more equipped to handle my life. Not sure what went on those few months ago but I was not coping well at all.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m looking forward to things. My half marathon is Saturday and though I don’t think I’m going to PR it, I know I’ll be happy to be done. I may take a week off running then get serious about a manageable maintenance plan while I am not training. I simply cannot stop; I cannot justify eating otherwise. At least, not the way I want to, which is to not overthink everything. As we near the other holidays, I know it’s going to get insanely hectic and trying to run – while Ash is also training – is going to overwhelm me again; I want to avoid that.

I want to live out this year in some kind of peace, instead of the frantic must buy/must do attitude I so often take these last couple months. I think it’s altogether possible if I can harness the feeling of this smooth jazz Christmas playlist I just found.

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