Morph


The mornings are still dark and it’s getting darker earlier in the evenings. Nights feel so long and I am weary by the time each kidlet has gotten into their respective beds. The other night, I was walking from the kitchen  into my bedroom and realized that every light in the house was on. And then I had this stuck in my head all night:

I am running more but don’t feel very invested in it, though the first signs of weight loss are there. A pair of shorts I could barely pull on a couple weeks after Dakota was born now fit much better. My stomach is still a natural disaster; have you seen those websites that showcase “real” womens’ bodies, specifically post-birth stomachs? It’s sort of initially gross but then when you really look at them you’re like, “yes, that is what they look like and it’s good to know all women get that.” It’s a battle scar. But also hard to wrap my brain around. I want it gone but know so very much work will go into it and the result I want probably still won’t happen.

My desk at work is a total mess; paper everywhere and the piles are becoming unruly. They aren’t even organized anymore; the papers are beginning to take on a life of their own and settle onto my desk like it’s their home. I hope by Friday I can wrestle them into some semblance of “neat and tidy.”

My brain is, likewise, disheveled. I am not on top of tasks the way I usually am. Blame the multitude of jobs or the litter of children or the dogs, the husband, the house that needs cleaning. All things I asked for – I know. But when I am grasping and not really reaching my full potential, it’s just disconcerting.

I went home Tuesday around noon and hid. Yes, I climbed into bed and slept for a few hours. Then I did dishes and listened to the quiet of my house. I read one chapter of a book. I pet my dogs. I mentally checked out and it was much needed.

Tonight, we will don our costumes and become other beings, asking strangers for sweets and goodies. I love Halloween.

My brain can’t comprehend any more words so this concludes this post.

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