No memes today; just blogging


We’re all doing OK after the whole Iggy thing. The kids are the main reminder, here and there. Elliot will randomly say to himself, quietly, “I miss Iggy…”. And sometimes Isaac sees a blanket that he had and ask where he is. I think perhaps Zoey is the worst for now; she’s regressing to earlier annoying behaviors and she just seems sort of out of it. She and Iggs were litter-mates and even when Todd paid them no mind, they had each other. I’m hoping she’s not sick in some way but I really do think it’s just mental for now.

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Our Fourth was pretty good, I suppose. I went to the store early in the morning to get things for later and a pie, which I made in the AM for our party with the neighbours. The highlight of the afternoon was when Ash thought we’d lost a couple Netflix DVDs and we were all frantically searching and cleaning as we went (which I was actually about to do anyway) and as it turns out, we hadn’t actually received them in them mail yet! But, I got a lot of junk cleared out, so that was nice. Around four, we went next door and hung out with my two neighbours (who are about my parents’ age) and then a younger couple and an older couple they know. The kids lasted about 2-3 hours before they started to go a little nuts and Ash had to take them back over to our house, but all in all, a good time. We were going to go to one of the local fireworks shows but had a feeling neither of them was going to last that long. That is definitely one of the crappy things about July 4th; it’s gets dark too late and young kids can’t last for he show. I ended up putting Isaac to bed and around 9, we did some cruddy little shower fireworks in our driveway. But Elliot liked it so that’s what counts.

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Tuesday evening, it was starting to rain but I had to get a run in. I got rained on about 3/4 of the time but while I was out there – and having one of the best runs I’ve had in WEEKS – I changed my life. Runs have been hard lately and I can’t explain why. I just feel drained. But I think the underlying issue is attitude. I have been feeling so sorry for myself and so beat down over the last two months of crap that I’m letting that subconscious sadness dominate everything else. So as I ran, I thought to myself that I am no longer going to dwell on all that shit. I am going to look to the future and think that it will be better. It can be, if I think it so. In that moment, I felt so good about everything. Things looked clear and possible and I didn’t feel the overwhelming invisible burden that’s been breaking my back lately. In the moment, those things always seem so easy. The next day, I was still keeping up the good attitude but it’s hard. It’s really difficult to always be upbeat and easy going, especially when kids have issues and the dogs are in the way, and there’s more work to get done than you have time for. But I’m still plugging away at this new outlook because I want for things to get back to feeling right; they’ve been off for a while. Time to get back on track.

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When we were setting off the fireworks last night, we found some in there that had a strobe effect and Elliot’s shadow was cast upon the garage door in a very cool way. So I ran inside to get the camera and on my way to the kitchen, my flip flop slipped on some little droplets of water and I bashed my wrist on the counter and fell to my left knee. I have a huge knot right below my kneecap and the skin on my wrist is all torn up. These kinds of things are insignificant but I can’t help but agonize over them.

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That’s what my life is like lately: extremes. I went back and read through the past two months’ blog posts and so many good weekends have occurred and yet, I’m over here moping. No more, you guys. I’m on the mend from here on out. But for reals, thank God for margaritas.

4 thoughts on “No memes today; just blogging

  1. I get that feeling when I’m out walking sometimes – sort of this “I can do it – I can be upbeat, I can lose weight, I can be whoever I want to be” empowering feeling. I need to feel that more often (ie – I need to walk more often)…

    I’m dwelling on my little insignificant injuries today too. I need to snap out of it. You’ve inspired me.

    Glad to hear you’re on the mend!

  2. The run part can really shape attitude– I completely agree. Maybe it’s just the motion of powering through and sweating. Maybe it’s being outside and a part of the world that working out in a fitness class or an at-home dvd doesn’t provide, but yes. That realization that, this is the world. This is how I see it. Way powerful. Thanks for setting me up for a good weekend run!

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