I’m not sure it isn’t just subliminal, but this change of seasons prompts me to be thankful in some way. Perhaps it is the way I start to think about the year winding down and though easing into January is not actually the end of something and the start of something else – time just presses on regardless of calendar dates – the holidays punctuate a year’s time. I am grateful; I made it through all the stuff we did this year. We had soccer then tee-ball. I had a lot of jobs and a lot of money and then suddenly, one less and an impending third child. Before we knew it, we became parents all over again and there’s this little lump, this little girl who is wondrous and mystifying. Are we nuts for adding this other thing onto the pile? Then there’s flag football and going back to work; Halloween and cool weather. All rolling wildly towards Christmas.
I wanted to avoid the cliche “I’m being thankful in November” theme but I can’t help it. I am. Ash sent me a series of texts this morning about an article he saw on Digg about stillborn babies or babies who die just seconds after being born. And he concluded with “We’re just so lucky.”
God, we are, you know? We have three awesome kids who, so far (KNOCK ON WOOD) are healthy. They might be total pains in my ass most days but God love ’em. They mean well.
And we have money; we can pay our bills and go out to eat and we have a great house, cable, NFL Sunday Ticket. We have it so good, it almost sickens me some days when I find myself feeling like I want for something. How dare I even take time being selfish and wanting.
It is gray today, which always reminds me of the very few cool weeks we got in South Florida. There’s a memory of one Saturday when my mother came into my room and twisted open the navy blue mini blinds, revealing gray skies above. She cranked the window and cool air flooded in and bathed me in my twin bed. I played outside that day, biking, jumping this little hill near my driveway on my scooter. That night, we went to the fair at our Catholic church. Before my friends, Jamie and Tracy, met up with me, I rode the Himalayan by myself and they were playing Guns ‘n’ Roses “Night train” at full volume. This is the memory I always have on a day like this.
The air feels muffled today and the train whistle I always hear around 8 AM is muted, calmer. I feel this too. The rigor of work is not as intense; I cruise through the day, accomplishing my tasks and still having time to read blogs and do some personal writing. I am invigorated by the weather, the time of year. I am productive and happy. It is an amazing feeling.