Writer’s Workshop – Makin’ it work


2.) Your top 5 secrets to a successful marriage!

I feel a little out of m league taking on this topic but let’s give it a go.

Ok so my husband and I recently celebrated eight years but I have known him since 1999. It wasn’t always happy times, let me tell you that. But we’ve managed to make it work and we get better and better. So, the secrets to it?

1. You always hear people say communication is key. And it is, very much. But I think you have to learn how you best communicate with each other. I tend to “take one for the team” a little too much. Luckily, Ash is very intuitive and understands people way  more than I do so he knows when I am harboring feelings and problems. He coaxes me to open up and once we discuss something, everything feels much better. This keeps us even-keeled.

2. Division of labor, knowing it won’t ever be equal. I remember being a kid and complaining how nothing was fair or equal. Well, it isn’t. The world is not a fair place, as my parents endlessly explained. I used to expect Ash to do stuff around the house but then he told me we just see things differently. He’ll never notice when the floor needs to be swept. And his idea of when the dishes need to be done is different than mine. So if I wanted things done, I had to let him do them his way. As we went along and had more kids, he started taking on certain tasks and I didn’t have to ask anymore. He’s still never swept or vacuumed but hey, we all have our things. And this works.

3. (TMI alert) Healthy sex life. It’s true. y’all. I went to one of those Passion parties and the woman who ran it was probably 50 or so and she was so down to earth about loving her husband and how they kept the interest after all the years. I’m not saying you have to buy toys, etc, but you do have to put in the effort. I think that’s different for everyone, of course. For some, it might just be easy because you find you’re still totally in love and attracted to them. I speak for myself in that this is true, but for others, I think exploring a variety of things in the bedroom may help bring two people closer. And that part of a relationship is quite important.

4. Having your own things/hobbies. I struggle here because I often allow chores/motherly and wifely duties to be an excuse for not doing things for me.  I have the kind of husband who has no problem with me going out with the girls on occasion or running off to the salon for a pedi at a moment’s notice. Ash goes out on Mondays and plays Magic and every three months does an all-day tournament. I have no problem with this since we have that kind of understanding. This stuff keeps each person sane and happy with themselves, enabling them to be better spouses/parents.

5. Another obvious one but still: trust. I can’t speak for everyone (and having just watched a particular Breaking Bad episode where she is on to him!) but this is the uber key to success. And I don’t just mean trusting each other not to cheat or do other shady things. I mean simple things. Sometimes I start to stress and Ash has to calm me down. And he always tells me to just trust him that when it comes to the “big stuff”, he’ll take care of everyone. On the other end, he trusts me to get all the little things done for the kids, the house, etc. It’s a wonderful balance we have and it has led to our success.

There’s no sure-fire secret but you have to be rational and attentive. Things are constantly changing so you also need to adapt. However, I believe the above five facets will  solidify any marriage.

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