I’m a runner. Not this kind of runner but I tend to run and hide from problems or issues that are plagueing my brain/life. If I have something upcoming that I know might be a less than smooth discussion with Ash (holiday plans, money-related anything…) I tend to throw myself into other projects or go so far inside myself that I don’t even realize that I am totally oblivious to a lot going on around me. It’s sort of scary how that doesn’t even seem like me.
Today, I feel sad and worried for no particular reason at all, except – I wager a guess – it’s the week before “that special time of the month”, which tends to be highly emotional for me. I must say, when I was breastfeeding and solely on the mini-pill, my mood swings were definitely milder than before. I am back on regular birth control and I can pretty much count on a “PMS” week, wherein I’ll feel like everyone is forsaking me and my life is in shambles, even though – as far as I can tell – everythng is peachy. Maybe I just don’t know how to deal with this sort of feeling. It’s during this time I usually feel like I need a therapist. Or a lot of caffeine. Or lots of sleep. The thing is – and I hate to admit this – if I could just have a good cry, I would be totally fine.
Sometimes, I think if I were a guy I’d have to deal with less of this. Sure, I know Ash worries but it is rare he feels like this. Whenever I talk it out, he tries to understand and console but he deals much better with his emotions and ideas. He is less afraid than I.
Thanks for listening to me, even in my somewhat insane babble. Sometimes I just need to throw it all out there.