Written mostly on Monday…

• This is going to sound rather weak but I keep feeling like if I just had a good cry, I’d feel better. But as you probably know, that isn’t something you turn on and off; my meltdowns happen when I am least expecting them to. But I want to find that release so I can move forward. I wish I could figure out how to reset myself the way a crying session does without, you know, life coming to a screeching halt instead.
• I know one thing I need to do is stop worrying about things outside my control. Right now, there’s a few things like that and I stress about them but why? If I have no direct control, why is my brain going a million miles an hour thinking about these things…especially right when I am trying to sleep?
• My new point person at this job (the lead writing specialist) tried to friend me on Facebook already and I have not accepted it. I don’t know if it’s a good idea, given that I just started. But then ignoring the request is also weird, right? She hasn’t been to work since she requested me so that’s also kind of weird. I guess for me, I don’t friend you on there unless we ARE friends. We can’t just be acquaintances or co-workers. For example, over a year ago, we met this couple who know my good friend, Tiffanie, at one of her get-togethers. Their daughter plays soccer with my friend’s and then her son has been on flag teams at the same time as my boys. So anyway, on Friday evening, this woman’s daughter was reffing our soccer games so she and I talked mostly the whole game. Are we Facebook friends? Nope. But I’d consider her more of a friend than this new co-worker so if she requested me, I’d accept.
• I really need a sunny day; it’s been overcast now for going on three days and my brain can’t take that. I was watching the Darkhorse podcast folks and they wrote an entire book about Hyper-novelty and they tie in these ideas about how we got to this place where we have so much technology and comfort-making abilities that we stay inside too much and they connect this to the importance of the sun as it pertains to health. I know for sure that sun exposure, while it can be harmful, is beneficial. I always feel better when I have spent time outside or in the sun.
• It’s pretty funny that every year right around this time, i have this same stressed feeling. You’d think I’d rearrange so I don’t have it. I will say, I did one thing that fixes my summer problem: I changed the terms when I take only one SNHU class to one in Fall and one in Spring. This way, I always have two in the summer. Why I didn’t do this before is truly beyond me. I guess this year, I believed this one college when they said they’d have summer classes and now they don’t. I have half a mind to drop my employment with them entirely. Pay is too low anyway.
• In this free time I’ve had waiting in the Learning Commons, I have gone back – as I so often do – to Mays past on my blog. I like to go and see what I was thinking about 5, 6, 7 years ago. I worked through 2013 yesterday and wow, I was really angry at my oldest son so very often. He still sometimes infuriates me but he’s changed so much – into this awesome, responsible kid – that I can’t even really remember what that frustration with him was like. It’s like this vague memory when I read about the attitude he used to have. It’s fuzzy and I remember the ideas and I realize that he’s come a long way!
• Speaking of him, kids can’t take backpacks to school this week and he’s struggling to figure out how to carry what he needs. It’s less than normal since it’s a half week and all but it’s dumb that we have this rule. Oh, and girls can carry purses so that’s also stupid.
• I had a moment in the car this morning (though the sun may come out today and it’s Tuesday) where Rainy Days and Mondays came on and me and Karen, well, we connected for a moment. Because me too.
• You know what I need? A day at home to catch up. Some days I’m not motivated or aware of what needs to get done but today I am so man, what I wouldn’t give to take a day off. But this new in-office job is hourly and I need the money too much!