Feeling a little happier now


Time has felt slow this week. In fact, as I pulled up my blog, yesterday’s post feels weeks old somehow. And, as I pulled up this post, I realized that blogging doesn’t exist in the same ways, though I still like to do it. I was watching someone’s instagram story and I think that is how people express feelings now instead of writing. Someone I follow had to put their dog to sleep and she had a whole thing in there about it. To me, I do better just writing it. Plus, I don’t want people to see me talking. That’s just not how I do things.

Anyway, I was stressed like crazy the last day, as mentioned in my previous post. I am relieved now but also, in a position where I now know where I need to improve and what is expected of me in one of my online teaching jobs. I am glad for the clarity and it was humbling to hear where I fell behind but also, good. I feel a lot better knowing this and now I have a plan on how to add more to my courses and communicate better.

I feel like a huge weight was lifted after that. We had burgers for lunch and then hit some thrift stores. I found a Christmas bowl and some cheap random ornaments and made a center piece. I wrapped a couple more gifts; I am way ahead on that, to be honest.

But last night was my turning point. Every year, I inevitably have one evening where I put on a classic album, maybe the Carpenters or even Kenny G, and wrap gifts while sipping egg nog. I did this last night (minus nog; wasn’t feeling well) and it helped to turn my mood around. But man was I salty. I had been worried about the meeting and then mad in general. I left for a 2 mile run about 6 minutes before the kids got home. My husband knew I was about to run – we talked about it and he watched me get ready – then when I came home, no doors were unlocked and no one would answer my knocks. I WAS SO MAD. My dear dear husband thought I was at the grocery store so no way anyone knocking could have been important. Good lord, family. They want to know why I am often disgruntled; that’s the kinda shit I mean!

Anyway, in the evening, I was able to wrassle my emotions into submission and I got to a point where I came to terms with whatever this morning’s phone call would be about and I am glad I did so I could handle it the way I did today. I’m a bit proud of myself and how I got things in check. Sometimes when I am feeling down and can’t fix it, I sit here and think, ‘I’m 41 years old and I haven’t figured out how to turn around a foul mood? What’s wrong with me?” But we all fail at certain things – or struggle, I suppose. And then we improve. And today’s theme was indeed about improving. One foot in front of the other; one step at a time.

And see? Today, I feel much better! Although, I am hitting that afternoon slump. It’s cold and gray and oh how I long to see the sun. We had rain the last 2 days and now here we are at low 40s, damp and cold. And yes, I live in Florida. Believe it or not!

Anyway, we invited some friends over tomorrow so I hope they can all make it and we’ll have fun. Maybe that will be exactly what I need.

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