A Cowboy in the Jungle

We’ve gotta roll with the punches/Learn to play all of our hunches/Makin’ the best of whatever comes your way

-Jimmy Buffett

Sometimes I feel out of place. I think back to all the conscious choices I’ve made between applying for college and now, and wonder if things would be different if I’d been more aware. I applied to two schools in my senior year: Tulane and FSU. I only got into one of them. Had I not floundered so much in high school math, I’d probably be living in Louisiana today. But I remember not really understanding all my options. There was some kind of muddy film over the correct path. It was a confusing thing – applying – and even once I got to college – as self-aware as I thought I was – I was pretty blind to what needed to be done to set myself up for success. Maybe I only feel this way because I have the prior knowledge of what I did right and what I did wrong; I’ve learned from mistakes and see what I could have done.

This is not some admission of regret – because I don’t think regretting things really gets you anywhere – but I guess it’s just a musing on how we are in control of only so much but if you don’t put in the effort there, things just sort of seem to happen around you. I am actively trying to make things happen for myself these days. I remember Ash saying that his mother fully believed that if you thought good things, then good things would come to you.

I am going to focus on positivity more often. It is incredibly easy to be angry and exasperated and just annoyed by the world. I admit that this department has made me angry almost this entire semester. And the worst part is that it’s over dumb stuff. Difference of opinions happen; I need to let it go. The stuff they were all kvetching about really doesn’t affect me anyway; I just allowed it to. So I’m not going to go there. I’m going to mind my business, do my work, and stay positive.

I have a lot of good going on in my life – too much to be upset about things. A brief list appears below then I’m out; have a lot of papers to grade. Time to buckle down!

  • Summer money won’t be (fingers crossed) as lean as expected
  • Elliot finally learned how to tie his shoes
  • We’re just about ready to move onto the deck rebuilding process
  • Isaac’s end of year pool party is on the 22nd
  • We’re going to the beach next Saturday!
  • I bought a super cute bracelet today
  • I may have an editing gig coming up and that would pay me and give me fuel for my CV
  • T25 is going well and I can feel myself getting stronger
  • Vacation is in June!

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