It’s funny how things change in not so much time. Just three years ago I was sitting on my friend Heather’s couch in Crawfordville, after she, Tabb, and their two daughters moved out of their house that was across from the former Nicholson farmhouse. We had been there for my friend Beth’s baby shower; Tiffanie and I stayed later to chat. I remember how Heather told me that she and her oldest daughter didn’t get along because they were always butting heads. I remember thinking how sad that was. Elliot and I are going through this now. These days, I don’t ever see Heather anymore and Tiffanie and I run into each other maybe once every 3-4 months.
But I remember talking that night about kids in such a nonchalant manner; they’ll kill you though, drive you to the brinks of insanity. And at that time, I’m not sure I really saw it. Elliot was only 2.5, and Isaac was still in utero. Elliot has gone through so many horrific stages but then come out on the other side a pretty cool kid. Lately he is the bane of my existence. Case in point: Ash muttered something while cleaning about the whole freakin’ thing – or something to that effect – and Elliot comes down the hall bragging that he said that word three times and didn’t get a spanking for it. This pretty much sums up how he has been for the last few weeks. That was my breaking point; we had a come to Jesus talk. I cried. Hard. He cried but quickly jaunted off to be annoying elsewhere. But he came back to me and apologized and cried, which impressed me. Maybe at this age he can’t really comprehend all the intricacies of what’s going on but I was glad he understood, at least, that he made me really upset. It’s the small things that make me feel like he’s farther and farther away from me that scare the shit out of me. Sometimes when he shows no remorse, I wonder if he won’t somehow end up in prison. I can’t honestly imagine he would; the majority of my instincts tell me he’ll grow up to be just fine, just as I did, and Ash and his brother and my sister. I know all our parents were probably scared to death about the exact same thing at some point. It’s not something I ever saw coming. So many things you can’t plan for. I didn’t know I’d feel so distant from my five year old because of how he acts.
They keep you on your toes, that’s for sure. I didn’t think Isaac would basically potty train himself in a matter of days or that Elliot would suddenly click into place at school and stop acting crappy and start behaving – and reading. It’s all so frustrating and wonderful and stressful and exciting. This is the busiest my life has ever been. My brain is so FULL; and I wonder if other families – ones I read about on their blogs – don’t go through the same things. Do they have days where in the end, kids are crying and parents are frazzled? Do they yell sometimes because no one will listen? Do they lock the bathroom door for one MINUTE of peace? Maybe they just don’t write about it. I veer away from those darker sides of parenting too for the most part. There’s no use in dwelling on the negative but I just felt like I had to get it out there today. By Sunday nights, I’m usually running for the hills – or, you know, the hot bath with a Sonic Cherry Limeade and a trashy vampire novel. Now there’s an idea… BBL!