On the Verge

In the midst of my subconsciousness, I feel that Summer has been here long enough. It’s like how you know a show you were watching is back from commercial and you can now turn back to that channel. I have a feeling that it’s time for something new. Perhaps it is because in a few short weeks, Fall semester begins once more. And I love the new school year. I’m busy, there’s no time to really think about my own personal problems, and then? The weather changes. I keep wanting to take the kids outside but ten minutes later, when we’re all melting, we retreat back inside, feeling suffocated by the heat.

And I don’t even really mind the heat. But when you can’t be outside very long before being eaten alive, it tends to get a little depressing. I confess to, a few weeks ago, wanting pools and popsicles and long afternoons where we do nothing but get in and out of water, shade, sun. Now, I’d be happy to wake up and find it to be under 85 and maybe a slight bit less humid.  I feel kind of like a traitor. I wanted Summer so badly and now I want nothing more than Fall.

I’m also ready to start making more money here soon. I realize money won’t solve all my problems but it sure as hell will fix a good deal of them. I’ll start yoga again and be able to save. We’ll replace the windows and buy a new dishwasher. The boys will most likely need new Fall/Winter clothes and at least I’ll be able to get some jeans. I get all excited just thinking about it. It’s not so much about saying “Oh, I have so much money.” It’s about feeling comfortable. So if something comes up, it won’t be Crisis Mode. With half-marathon training beginning tomorrow, then a new online school training session later in the week, plus getting ready for Fall semester, I’m going to be very busy. But if I can compartmentalize and know that the financial end of things is squared away, I’ll be much more capable to holding  everything else together.

Much in the same way I feel that Spring brings forth something new and different, I feel like this Fall is about to do the same thing. I feel anxious for something New and Good. I need that in our lives. With the boys becoming so much more able-bodied and human (ha ha) more possibilities open up for us. I’m just ready, so ready for that next thing. Summer is old and tired. Bring on the new. Bring on some illumination.


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