Rush/FYE – Helpful tips for the sheeple


I dread this week far more than the first week of school, which is busier, crazier, much more stressful. Why do I hate this week? Because all the clones are rushing and freshmen doing FYE (First Year Experience) are in the buildings, hanging out and talking about their various problems. Normally this wouldn’t affect me except that a group has parked themselves directly outside my door and they don’t give a care whether I’m you know, working or anything. I am fairly unsympathetic towards the frosh because they have it SO much easier than I ever did. I couldn’t park on campus, no one showed me where to go, and no way in hell did the school offer such a support group as this FYE hold your hand like a kindergartner bullshit.

So a few handy dandy tips for the freshmeat and the sorostitute wanna-bes:

  • Do not think for one second that wearing the same dress as 200 other girls makes you cool.
  • Don’t bother thinking people care about you once school begins. Wait until you have to deal with the University Center in any capacity or pay your on-campus cable bill.
  • Waving a fan while walking in 100 degree weather, even with a slight breeze, does nothing except make you look pretentious.
  • No matter how much crap they tell you or how many little kumbaya circles you sit in prior to the beginning of school, something will come up that you were not prepared for.
  • Walk. Just walk. Get out of peoples’ way and don’t lolligag about with your little spritzer fans and baggies full of free promotional join our house of falsity garbage.
  • And for both groups: sitting on the floor on the other side of a solid wood double door will only get you blasted as I come through because I actually work here.

Can’t you feel the love I hold for these people? Maybe it’s pregnancy hormones or maybe I’ve just been around long enough to realize that you gotta get your shit together at some point and this isn’t the way. But hey, to each his own. It takes all kinds.

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