I guess it is only fitting that my word of the day from Dictionary.com is “malaise”. That’s pretty much how I feel about work. I have resigned myself to the fact that at about noon, I will write a terribly self-depricating email to my sorta boss and tell her there’s no reason for me to be here and that I’m losing my mind doing nothing. I must do this only because about a month ago she had a total break-down about me taking time off this week. But that was when we were minus a person at the front desk. We have one now and she’s capable. I plan on working as much as I can to finish this one project but after that, I am just wasting brain cells.
We went climbing last evening and, as expected, there wasn’t a soul there. It is, afterall, the week after school ended. I got in a little over an hour of climbing before my injury resurfaced. Sometimes I know it’s still there when I staple or try to pinch and pull something; this sharp biting pain that resonates throughout my wrist and sometimes, even up as far as my shoulder. My friend, Wayne, says that pain is temporary, to push through it. (Wayne is also crazy).
So yes, I have a shit-ton of things to do before going away tomorrow and I am really stressing. Instead of being calm, making a list, and attacking things one at a time and in an orderly manner, I am freaking out. I’m not kidding; I imagine this is what manic feels like – if that were it. Ash totally got me stressed out last night when his father called to find out what I want for Christmas. I told him, “Look at my Amazon wishlist.” But his dad’s looking to spend more, buy me something larger than books. But you know, I don’t have a running mental lsit of things that I am lusting after these days. I used to. Oh how I used to. When I was working at Comp I walked in almost every day thinking, “What can I buy today?” But these days, I am pretty simple. I have moved beyond a lot of materialism that I once had. I don’t need some fancy gadget (I have a digi cam and an ipod). I don’t need computer stuff, mine works just fine. I don’t need a gaming system, Ash has them all. If I had 150 bucks right now, you know what I would do? Well, first I’d get a pedicure. Then I’d buy a new shirt or two – because I really need them – and then the rest would go towards my student loan. I know I know, it’s not normal.
So I have been here but half an hour and already, I want to stab my eyes with this here pencil.