- Man this has been a hard month. And I say that, coming from a place of sorrow but also realizing that nothing is really BAD. We are financially stable, everyone is in good health. Our close relatives are in good health. We have friends and resources and nothing is wrong. But I cannot shake this sad mood, no matter what I do. Perhaps it is because I have no good new music. Or because I am stressing about my future monies. Or because my job stuff simply isn’t stable for now. But when I really analyze it I realize that I have absolutely no reason to feel so down.
- So my plan now is to go to class (it’s Monday) and sink myself into the task of being a good teacher for those two hours. Then when I get home, I must get the kids fed and then Dakota has a birthday party to attend. A Monday party is indeed weird but hey, to each their own. Then tomorrow, I have to get a lot of grading done and I have an pre-semester orientation from 3-5. Work will ramp up here soon so I am trying to balance it and get organized. Thursday, I begin attending a pedagogy class at the campus where I teach face to face so that will be crazy busy. I’l have homework!
- I am hoping that if I can feel productive in all these tasks, I will start to feel better. I think I thrive on that and maybe got too used to having a lot of down/free time. I like it but I also hate it, if that makes sense. I would prefer to be busy and productive basically all the time. No time for feelings! No time for self-assessment!
- OK now it is Tuesday and man, yesterday was A DAY. Halfway through my first class, I started to feel BAD. My sinuses were acting up and I was dizzy and I really felt like if I didn’t lay down, I was going to pass out. I managed to finish up with them and then I laid in my car for about 15 minutes before going to my next class, assigning them something, then going home. I crawled onto a couch and passed out until the kids got home but then immediately went back to sleep. I was dead to the world too because I didn’t even hear them playing in the same room as me. Crazy.
- Ash got home and I begged off going to the birthday party with Dakota and then felt bad because he’d had a shitty day at work as well. But you know what? Everything turned around. I mean, he enjoyed the party, I took Ell to practice and didn’t feel too awful bad after the meds kicked in. And then Ash and I watched Ford vs Ferrari, which was actually really good. I recommend it.
- I feel MUCH better today, though still sinusy. I ran 2 miles, I’m grading papers, and the sun is shining! I applied to two online jobs and I’m listening to Christopher Cross, because the 80s were a magical time.
- Now for two actually random things: I posted this first one to the Girl Scout troop page this morning. They found it amusing.
This one is for our host, Stacy. Do you know the answer??