Not stressed, just not motivated


I am feeling a bit out of sorts, you could say. I feel like I sit in my office just waiting to feel the desire to work. And it isn’t like I don’t have a lot to do. Because I certainly do. Papers to grade and discussions to partake in. I have to finalize my summer syllabus – classes begin Monday – and I have to make sure my weekly plans cover all the bases. I also need to get back into the mental mode of teaching. It has been a little bit since Spring ended and I was overwhelmed then. But I haven’t really felt that over-stressed feeling in a little while.

But. I will admit that some days, I feel like I want to do something bad and rebellious. Nothing awful. Just something that feels like I’m bucking tradition or doing something that veers slightly from my moral compass. Maybe I’m being vague. Maybe what I mean is that I wish I still partook in a bloghop where we had to confess stuff. Because it might go something like this:

I confess… I’m going next week to see Magic Mike XXL with some friends. One of my friends I vowed never to see movies with again because she’s a talker. Actually, she’s a screamer. But I figure for this movie I can let it slide. The first movie was SO bad, dialogue wise. But oh, the pretty men. I could watch it on mute and be totally satisfied.

I confess... I’m not, nor have I ever really been, a smoker. But sometimes I think it would be fun to buy one of those flavored cigarillo things and just indulge. They’re probably gross. I’d probably feel bad. But sometimes, why not? Maybe we don’t allow ourselves that enough: why not?

I confess… One of my main goals for the past six weeks had been to read. But did I? Not really. I’ve been finishing a Lauren Dane novel while on the elliptical so I feel like maybe I am ready to jump back into it. But for some reason, I have just been out of the reading loop. But it makes me realize how I don’t take advantage of all the hours in my day. I don’t want to make excuses; I certainly could find a couple hours to read. But I don’t.

I confess… I could have read Wednesday night but I watched the first episode of the new season of Inkmaster. It’s trash tv but I love it. I like competition shows and tattoos. Why not?

************

Today is better. I wrote that out yesterday when my eyes were blurry at the end of the day and I didn’t have it in me AT ALL to do work. Today I am furiously grading and getting stuff done because I have to go sit on a faculty panel for incoming athletes later. It was a last minute thing that my friend in Athletics asked me to do. I’m slightly nervous but I know I have the knowledge and confidence to do right by those students. I’m a little honored, actually, to have been asked.  But now I have to perform. This was just the motivation I needed though. Thank God for small miracles, right??

One thought on “Not stressed, just not motivated

  1. It almost sounds like you have a case of Spring Fever (but in the summer!). Nice that you were asked to be on the panel and I hope it goes well! Sometimes just a little confidence boost is all it takes to get the motivation back. Let us know, please, how it goes!

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