Ok folks, I promise to comment today, unlike last week.
- This week will be a one-day-at-a-time kind of pace or else I will seriously lose my mind. Although I have to say, I feel a lot more clear-headed than I did last week. I seriously forgot about five things and that is rare for me. I was juggling too many balls and I dropped them. And it wasn’t in comedic clown fashion either.
- All I ever want to eat lately are cheese and crackers. Specifically, cheddar on Triscuits. I don’t know what it is but I cannot get enough. And I haven’t wanted other foods, though I eat plenty of things. Last night, the kids had popcorn chicken and barbecue sauce and though I hardly ever eat BBQ sauce, I was really into it. My food tastes go in very weird cycles. Right now, I’d really love a chocolate chip muffin.
- Though this is more of a Friday Confessional piece, I have to tell you that I started to freak out when Ash wasn’t home at a reasonable time on Saturday. I started thinking about how to contact the Coast Guard and the fact that I had no float plan so the only thing I knew was that it was 4 guys who put their boat in the water in Panacea. I kept putting together stupid little things like how bad stuff happens in threes and I know two people who have died recently so there was THAT. Then, oh, I don’t know… I started thinking the worst. What would I do if he died? It was a really low moment for me and I felt a wee bit stupid when he finally did call (see, I’d called him but it went straight to voice mail. No service or at the bottom of the Gulf??) and told me they were fine and driving back. OF COURSE they were but you know, I have to freak out sometimes. It’s how I stay balanced.
- Elliot went with me to the store yesterday and randomly he asked, “Remember when we went to the pet store and that one fish was dead? Why did he die?” And I told him it was natural causes and that fish don’t live very long. And he asked if he was going to die. And then he thought about it. And then he started to understand. See, earlier, he saw Ash’s gun in the closet and we explained to him why we have it (“Is it for monsters?” “No, for things far worse than monsters.”) and we said it could kill him if he messed around with it. So this on top of our discussion led to him being very sombre and then, quietly, “Mommy, I don’t want to die.” And this is when I had to stop talking about it because for as long as I can remember, I have had panic attacks when I think about death. It’s not always; like, right now, I’m totally OK typing this. But as he said that in such a tiny innocent voice, I lost it. The inevitable hopelessness took over and I told him he’d have to talk to daddy about that. Mommy is strong in many ways but not there, son. Not there.
- SO, ::clap clap:: this has been depressing. But my life’s been hectic and overwhelming and made me realize that sometimes, I like the day to day routine and the mundane tasks and just plodding along through work and home life without any mishaps or insanity. And though almost of the busyness has come from fun activities, it’s still been a lot to handle.
- I didn’t have time to run at all last week. I ran Sunday and then again this past Sunday. One week in between! My muscles had begun to atrophy so I was sore but I knew I had to get in a run because I have been, well, not so good about eating healthy foods. My Sunday run was a good one; sometimes first thing in the morning I’m still so zombiefied that I’m not thinking about all the peripheral junk that can ruin a run. As I was on my way back, somewhere in mile 3 of 5, I realized one of the reasons I do love running. See, Ash and I have this joke about how I love to struggle. I feel like if I don’t struggle through something then maybe it’s not worth doing. With running, you struggle then get a big payoff in the end. The satisfaction of finishing a race is like nothing else I have experienced.
- These entries have been really long, haven’t they?
- In trying to come up with a short one, I actually sat and stared at my computer for a god solid minute, but nothing came to mind. But the brief zone-out was sort of nice.
- WELL, better cut it off because I’ve probably bored you to tears. To make up for it, this is my humble offering. Overalls have been out of style for decades but, well, he makes them look good.
11 thoughts on “Random (Talk to us) Tuesday – Contemplative and Shtuff”
1. Cheddar and Triscuits: classic, delicious, filling.
2. Running: Yes! The last half-mile or so feels really good for me, and I think, for the same reasons–struggle. I’ve always thought good things were the things that struggle carries.
Sometimes day-to-day is the best thing to do when life gets crazy.. and whoa at that last picture. Hot! I noticed you mentioned VPK a post down. Are you in FL by chance? It’s the only place I’ve heard the term, and you like Disney (like me) and just went to Busch Gardens (one of my fav amusement parks).. so just curious.
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Cheese and crackers is my favorite lunch, since my Cali trip I’ve been adding a piece of turkey peperoni to it. So good and yet so bad.
I hate when my mind gets the better of me and takes me to places I don’t want to visit. Worry is such a horrible thing!
Thanks for linking up with us week after week, we love ya!
I hear ya on the one-day-at-a-time pace…I need to follow your lead for this week. Dropping balls in the non-comedic-clown-fashion has been my mode lately, too. 🙂
Mmmm…now I’m hungry for cheddar and Triscuits!
I have those freak-out moments sometimes, too – I like the idea that it keeps us ‘balanced. 😉
The death convos aren’t fun, are they?
Yep, your Man Candy definitely makes overalls look good! 😉
Field Trip Fun-ish, Future Nagging Guest Blogger, Angry Birds Take On Stonehenge
I so hear you on the mind going awful places–Turbo was off with friends a few weeks ago and I didn’t know exactly where he was. He was late getting home–by like an hour and I got really worried. My mind tried to go to the horrible places, but I was shying away from it as much as I could. I found him and brought him home and really impressed on him the importance of letting us know where he is and coming home when we tell him to.
When Nick is out late, I just get mad at him. One for not letting me know how long he’ll be gone and two for having fun without me.
In the day before cell phones and such I always worried about DH when he was late coming home. Finally, I came to the conclusion worrying didn’t do either of us any good. I decided if something horrible were to happen then the police would come to my door and then that’s would be the time to go to pieces. Every since that line of thinking was established then I haven’t been too concerned when he runs a tad late. Of course, now it helps we have cell phones. lol But, even when he’s unreachable I cling to my orginial plan and am much happier for it. =D
I go through odd tastes/cravings too – usually it’s junk, but sometimes it’s just something as simple as cheese & crackers. Last year, I went through about a four-week craving of wanting salmon-flavoured cream cheese on Vinta crackers. So odd.
I used to be like you – terrified and panicky over death – and it still bothers me, the fragility of life…but I’m a lot better with it now than I was, since I lost my cousins, my grandma & my dad. I’ve also seen my sister’s 6-year-old try to understand it, and it’s not an easy thing. I don’t blame you for passing that one off to Ash.
Next time, could you post a man candy that’s totally nude? Do you think that’s legal? Or would it run off your readers?
Well, I feel a cheese and cracker lunch coming my way. That’s all I can think about now.
I don’t deal well with death talk. And I sometimes worry enough for 25 people. I totally get you on that. 😉
Thanks for linking up!
I can do artsy nude, how about that?
You can’t go wrong with Triscuits and cheddar cheese. And I totally freak out when my husband doesn’t call on time, too. Maybe if he didn’t call or text 40 times a day I wouldn’t do that, but I am just one of those inclined to freak out if my scheduled text doesn’t come through.
Good for you for running. I completely agree that you have to struggle for the big payoff when running. I’m a stress case when my husband is late and I don’t know where he is. I think that’s just part of the territory of being a good wife. We’re supposed to worry about them! Aww, the death talk sounds like it was really hard. I can’t imagine. It’s a part of life, but it is so so tough.