Are you drowning or waving?


I feel bad that most of my blog is either Random Tuesday posts or written in bullet format. My brain is running a bullet operating system, to be honest with you. I can only think in fragments, in to-do lists, in one-thing-at-a-times. These days I am feeling rather overwhelmed and slowly coming to accept the fact that I simply cannot mentally compartmentalize all the things I have to do. I had better get used to making more lists or utilizing apps that help me keep track of my life. It’s sort of disconcerting to see my brain getting slower. At only 31, shouldn’t I be sharper than this? Is it because of Baby Brain? Maybe I’ve mistreated my brain cells too harshly over the years, though certainly, my college drinking could not be just now catching up, right? Whatever the cause, I keep getting that terrible awful sinking feeling that I’ve forgotten to do something really important and when it’s revealed, everything will go to shit.

I don’t suppose it’s too late to recover. There are ways to improve brain function and memory. Certainly, even though I was a lot busier, when I was running I was more in control, it seemed. And speaking of running, Ash did really well in his first marathon. His goal was to run it in four hours and they clocked him at 4:04:38, which annoyed him because his watch had him at exactly four hours and thirty-eight seconds. When he and his brother crossed the start line, the time difference was about 11 minutes but the results page has it at seven. So there ya go. But he was totally thrilled to be able to accomplish his goal. He says it’s like a cornerstone in his life. If there comes a time when he questions his will to go on – no matter what the situation – he’ll look back at the marathon and know he has the strength. I envy him in a lot of ways. I have been so downtrodden due to my injury that I’ve slipped into a mindset of negativity. As in, I don’t see myself  accomplishing much, because of this one set back. Which is a stupid way to think but true nevertheless. Must. Start. Running. Again. Come on Glucosamine, start working already.

In non-complainy news, Elliot’s rocking the potty training. The only time he’s had accidents has been when I’ve put him in time-out. Either because he’s upset or because he thinks he can’t leave, that’s been the case every time. What I find amusing is that Ash’s brother and girlfriend are all gung-ho about having him go to Chicago to visit them. So much so they even said one person would fly down, acquire him and fly him there and back, etc. I guess if you don’t have kids you’d have no concept of what it’s like to hang out with one who’s almost potty trained. If he were still in diapers, they’d never want to do that. Even at this stage, he can’t wipe his own ass, you know? They obviously have not thought this through. I think it would be awesome for him to experience that but uh, no. Let’s not go there.

SO, it’s Fall, my favorite season. Used to be I’d anxiously await October first and then immediately put out all my Fall decorations, set up my graveyard in the front and string up some fake spider web. This year? Not even cracked a storage bin nor thought about – until about three days ago – putting up the stuff. I feel sort of bad about it. Kind like forgetting to call a friend or something. Like I owed it to Fall or to my stuff to do it. I’m just too damned preoccupied these days. And I kind of hate that. We haven’t even talked to Elliot about what he’s going to be. I think he’ll be able to tell us once we’re looking at costumes. I feel so sad that I don’t even have my normal drive to hit up the pumpkin patch. I am sure once we’re there I’ll feel the same as ever but the build-up and excitement I used to feel simply isn’t there anymore. Sigh.

I guess I sort of went back to complaining, didn’t I? Seems to be a trend today. I’m gonna go listen to depressing music and read emo blogs now.

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