Flying solo/15 weeks

So begins day two of solo parenting. It’s not SO bad. It’s just nice to have another set of hands and eyes. Toddler need them. In all actuality, I am looking forward to having some time to be still. And quiet. In fact, I may even get to watch a movie that I want to see. And I can play the XM station “Watercolors” all night long without Ash asking if I’m trying to seduce him with the romp music. Smooth jazz does not necessarily denote sex. He’s so weird. However, last night, I did none of this. After Elliot went to sleep and I cleaned up a bit, I talked to Ash and watched TV until I fell asleep. Kind of lame but you know, moms get tired!

Meanwhile, he’s all put up in an Embassy suites: king size bed and probably a 52 inch tv all to himself. Must be nice. I sometimes wish that my job had any requirement of travel. I crave some time to myself in a place away from it all. Surely, I’d miss it all the very next day but one night

Yesterday marked 15 weeks. I feel gigantic but people say I don’t appear to be showing. I just think they’re being polite. I look OK in the morning but by afternoon, my stomach looks and feels huge. I haven’t even been eating very much so I guess that’s just a side effect of pregnancy. Blah. When we get home this evening, there’s going to be a beef stew waiting for us and I hope it’s good. I have been craving it lately. If it were JUST a little cooler it would be perfect. But I was trying to simplify the last three days of this week by doing some easy meals.

I think that’s sort of the key to this time of year: simplify. I am going to try to stress less about making meals and getting all this stuff done. There are a lot of appointments coming up – for me, Elliot and the dogs – and I cannot concern myself with being uptight about it all. Not with the holidays and all that mess approaching. I will pick out Christmas gifts as they seem appropriate so that there will be no last minute rush. I will not worry about my mother’s controlling ways when we visit for Thanksgiving and I will ignore the concerns voiced by the other female elders of my family… because it only makes my head spin unnecessarily. I am also taking this pregnancy one day at a time. I feel like I’ve been pregnant forever already but there’s still a lot of time. I cannot hurry it up; this is out of my hands and I should take solace in that fact.

With that, I leave you. I have to make up my entire November calendar for class and thinking that far ahead is rough. Too rough.

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