Discretion is the better part of valor

Well, supposedly it is. I am only choosing to write about this because I am pretty sure the people involved don’t read my blog. And I don’t think it would matter because I’m not saying anything that isn’t already just true.

So, our Christmas plans were to go to Chicago and stay with the BIL. Since he lives in the midwest and their dad in the west, we usually alternate between one of us going to the other’s locale. This year was ours to travel so we had this idea, cleared it with the BIL and put the bug into their dad’s ear. He said he was pretty much game.

Now, I had this weird feeling like the BIL would up and decide to do something with his girlfriend’s family but he assured us no. And then I was talking to him on AIM a couple days ago and it went a little something like this:
” I have to call Ash about Xmas.”
“I don’t think Dad’s going to come. And I got invited to go north that weekend.”
“Oh. Ok. Well, he has football tonight so call him later sometime.”

And then I proceeded to tell Ash about it and man, was he fuming. The thing is this: he’s always the one who organizes family get-togethers on his side. If it weren’t for him, we’d never see his brother or dad, because they’re either lazy or they just don’t care, we can’t tell which. And this is why the whole thing is so sad; because Ash is realizing now that everything he thought he knew about his family is turning out to be false. I’m not going into backstory but suffice it to say, Ash is through even trying to get with them for holidays or otherwise. It’s all so bitter-sweet; I’d really like Elliot to know his grandfather and uncle. But it seems like they don’t have similar sentiments.

His brother still has not called him. Nor has his father.

Luckily, we are only four hours from my family so that’s the fall-back. At least they’re willing to travel and/or accommodate us any time. In some ways, I was a little relieved, because I hate flying (not the actual plane part but the getting there on time and all the pat-downs and stupid protocol, etc.) and I was wary of taking Elliot on a plane for the first time. But we’re going to miss out on snow and I wanted to see Ell’s reaction. Guess we’ll have to settle for a fire at my parents’ house, where it’ll probably only be about 50 degrees out. Nevertheless, I will enjoy spending time with them and try not to think about my in-laws’ lack of desire to see us.

One thought on “Discretion is the better part of valor

  1. Warning: More people read your blog than you think. I got into an “ignoring war” with my stepfather over observations I posted about our relationship. The war continues. I don’t think I’m winning it. Be careful as to what you put public.

    Family is funny. The journey to understanding that they are human, fallible and probably have a different viewpoint on what’s important is a hard one. It’s a kick in the gut to find out the things you hold sacred they couldn’t care a whit about. But the brutality of that passes and you either choose to make a lopsided effort or you move on (it’s always lopsided). The family you have made together is the most important one. Don’t let anyone else’s silly ignorance stain your holidays.

    /end soapbox šŸ™‚

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