As you may know, I have had two miscarriages in the time we’ve been trying to conceive suctopus #2. While this is common, it has a way of boring into your brain and making you feel inadequate. And I will now step out of the second person and tell it like it is: it’s made me both self-doubting and complacent. On the one hand, I know it’s nothing I’ve done and it’s normal, etc. but I feel a great deal of remorse towards myself and my body.
When you get pregnant, the superstition is that you don’t tell anyone until you hit 12 weeks, because you are so likely to have a miscarriage in that first trimester that you should keep quiet. Well, having lost two pregnancies now, without telling hardly anyone, I say bull. I am almost six weeks in now and not paying attention to this superstition crap any longer.
However, I AM doing some things that I didn’t stick to the other times. For one, I am not exercising. I want to, boy do I ever. But I am trying to be really cautious. Last time, I was nine days late on my period and on day nine, I went rock climbing. About an hour after I got home, I started cramping and then bleeding. I’m laying low for the next six weeks.
Also, I am cutting back on the caffeine. I don’t think I realized how much I was drinking until I began to take this seriously. I was having a grande latte every morning and usually a Coke Zero mid-day. Sometimes, if I had to go to Publix later in the evening, I’d get another fountain Coke Zero. So I have tapered off. I got a coke in a small coffee cup, mostly ice, for two days and now I am working down. Went to Starbucks this AM to ask for a tall: 1/4 regular, 1/2 decaf, then 1/4 room for milk. Sadly, they didn’t have any decaf brewed so she recommended an Americano (blech, btw) and gave it to me for free. Sweet!
I am eating as healthy as possible, eating about 300 more calories than normal, as suggested, and obviously watching what I eat. The second MC, about three days before I was late, I drank an entire pitcher of margaritas and ate sushi. Not that I believe this caused anything, because before I knew I was pregnant with Elliot, we sat at Miller’s Ale House all night and drank beer. And as you can see, Elliot’s about to be a perfectly healthy two year old monster boy. I guess in some ways I AM being superstitious but more like extra cautious. Guess you can never be too careful, right?
I really hope this one sticks; ready to be on my way with this thing. I was scared before but now I’m there, up for the challenge. And also, I kind of want to be pregnant when it’s cold out. Last time, it was a sauna outside when I was thirty pounds heavier. Sweating was unavoidable. Fingers crossed, knock on wood, do whatever you need to do. Make it happen.