This is your brain on PMS

For those of you who don’t care to hear about my strange emotional state, please, go elsewhere. Here, I’ll give you a link: note catcher

So, since mid-December, I have been birth control free as we gave it the green light for kidlet #2. Much like Sundry, I feel sort of ambivalent, at least at this point. At first – like in January – I was actually fairly diappointed when my period showed up. I was on a vacation too and I felt – as silly as it sounds – like a failure and didn’ even want to tell Ash because, look at me, my body apparently cannot create life the way it did the first time. (Though, he was really supportive and not disappointed. What was I thinking?) I  have read a lot of things about how your second time may not happen as quickly but it sure seems like it worked perfectly on our first go-round. Maybe it is dumb of me to expect similar results but… right? Right??

So with Saturday on the approach, I am nervous about what I shall see, afraid it’ll be another tampon toting day. I am, of course, hoping that this is it and we finally got it right. After all, I used one of those nifty ovulation calculators and we pegged the day – and the days around it and so on and so forth. And let me tell you, what a turn on it is to tell your spouse, “Quick! I’m ovulating!”

My fear stems from the fact that I am experiencing relatively normal PMS symptoms: I was starving Monday and Tuesday, I sometimes feel bouts of  anxiety and the need to hide and/or disappear. At work yesterday, I accomplished two small tasks and went home at four. At home, I made dinner and did little else, going to bed by quarter to ten.

Everyone tells me I am stressing out too much but really, I’m not as worried about getting pregnant as I was in January. These things DO happen when it’s time. But it would be fairly awesome if it happened this month. I’m ready to do this thing and I don’t like having to wait, put it off any longer than need be. Also, trying and failing month after month can seriously wear on you.

I guess you can blame the PMS or the pregnancy hormones for my mood, depending on which way it goes. But I don’t like it one bit. DOn’t they have a shot of some chemical I can inject during this time so I won’t tear up at every Counting Crows song or commercial about babies? That would be… fabulous.

3 thoughts on “This is your brain on PMS

  1. About our second time? Four years. We wondered if it would ever happen again.

    The last three kids? Eighteen months between each.

    Be careful what you wish for . . .

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