- Well, that’s not how I wanted to start Tuesday. Somehow my alarm volume got turned way up and it startled me up, as well as my husband, who typically gets up about 20 minutes after me. Usually I wake before it and slip out quietly as to not ruin the last few sleepy moments for him. Not today!
- Sometimes I will see a reel on Instagram that I really identify with – something about being middle-aged or perimenopausal – and I can’t tell if I feel these things because I read it there or if my feelings are validated by these posts. You know what I’m saying? Maybe it’s just this week – full moon and all. (It was appropriately creepy-looking last night, as we took a walk around 7/7:30 and it hung low over the golf course.)
- Even if I am being affected by the moon (which I know sounds crazy but I do believe it has an effect on people!) I am just feeling so… icky lately. Not really sad but more a mix of many emotions. The biggest one is that I don’t want to do stuff, but there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing. I am sure someone may tell me this is a sign of depression or some nonsense but it’s not that I “lost interest” in things. I am really just feeling so overwhelmed I can’t barely focus on anything.
- I did see a post that said “worrying is the worst use of imagination” and man, that one hit me. So right! I worry about things that may not even happen. For example, my son was supposed to see his girlfriend this weekend but then he picked up a shift at his old job. On his way out I asked if they were hanging out, he said nope. I asked if they would be the next day, he said nope. And my mind went into a terrible tailspin thinking something was very wrong. But based on his chipper mood on Sunday, I don’t think that was the case. So I spent a inordinate amount of time worrying for nothing! (Of course, everything was fine. She was over last night.)
- Perhaps I need to BE more in the moment; slow down and appreciate each day. Actually, that’s advice I learned from Dale Carnegie. He said in order to stave off worry, you need to live in “day-tight containers”. I.E. think about what you can tackle and cross of your list today. While he does address that this ignores the idea of planning ahead, he doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make future plans but in living like this, you are freer to plan and get things done without the worry.
- I don’t know if I’ve written about this but I realized only recently how much I both love and entirely dislike October. It’s dark in the morning and it’s dark in the evening and goes way too fast. This month has flown by! I guess if we still have to participate in Daylight Savings, at least it means the sun will be up earlier. Sure, it’ll be pitch black by dang 6 pm, which bothers me SO much, but this year I vow to embrace the dark, cold, and cozy.
- I will say, the majority of this post was written yesterday and I am in a much better mood today. Ebbs and flows, my peeps, ebbs and flows. Peaks and valleys. Or any other up and down metaphor I can conjure from a brain already too full. Alright, I am off to teach this youngins!
I think there are seasons, you’re in a particularly busy one, and I remember feeling that life was happening and I was just doing what I could to keep up. I do think prayer helps, and having one or two verses you can call to mind relating to peace/worry/fear really helps me. I had a medical thing yesterday that I was so anxious about and as I was waiting on the dr. I said all the verses I could think of to calm my mind. It helps a lot. I do think you will get to a place (never perfect) where you can say about your nearly grown kids, that ‘it’s not my donut and they have to figure it out’. It’s never not hard and mine are in their 30’s lol. And of course if it’s something potentially distasterous with long term consequences then yes intervene, but that day to day stuff is theirs to own. It’s definitely a process for a parent to get there. I remind myself often God loves my children even more than I do, which is almost unfathomable but true. That is a comfort. Plus, hormones man. It’s a rollercoaster! Take care and embrace the cozy dark evenings as best you can.