- Starting this on Wednesday and talk about out of sorts; I cannot get my wits about me and I feel blah. Yesterday was worse I suppose. It was gloomy out and I couldn’t get organized or motivated. Plus, I had to stick around to catch the UPS guy. It was our beer box and we missed it Saturday, then also Monday, even though we signed the door sticker. Why bother putting it on my door if my signature doesn’t allow them to leave it?? Also, they send an email with the delivery window (yesterday was 2:15-4:15) but then they don’t show up until 6:30. What kind of BS is that?? It made us pretty annoyed and for some reason, neither myself nor my husband could stop complaining about it.
- I know I need to stop running away from issues too. I had my students do a library assignment in lieu of class Monday so of course, I have to go to campus today and “teach”, even though they are really just at a place where they need to do the research and turn it into an essay. I’ve done the work on the front end. I recall this time when I was first teaching, somewhere between ’04-’06, and asking my boss (who was also in charge of the grad TAs) why the end of the term feels like I am not doing anything and she said the courses are typically designed that way to take the pressure off the instructor. Concepts were taught in the first 10 weeks and the final 5 are wrap up and finishing the larger paper. It just always feels weird to me.
- I keep having this feeling like, ‘if only I took a day for myself’, but why? I am home 3 days a week as it is so is that not enough? I guess it’s the overwhelming feeling of just needing a break. But then, when I am not productive, I feel lazy and like a failure! It’s such a dichotomy.
- OK, I’m making a list of things I have to do Thursday. Maybe that will help me but at this point, my brain just feels like it has fizzled out. I spent a ridiculous amount of time reading about menopause on the Grown and Flown website. I yelled at my kid on Wednesday morning and it sent me into a bad place. But the teen mood plus mid-40s hormones is an ugly place. I was barely even aware I was getting so irrationally angry before I was just straight screaming. Sigh. I should stop beating myself up for it but I just feel so awful.
- It’s Thursday now and I am feeling like a totally different person! I got home and sunk myself into making dinner. It turned out well and everyone was thankful. I then began rereading Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. I recall the first couple chapters but wow, such good advice. He suggests living your life in day-tight compartments. Don’t stress about yesterday’s failures or panic about what could happen tomorrow. Then, if you have something that is seemingly “bad”, tackle it head on and ask, “what’s the worst that can happen?” Chances are, that isn’t all that awful and can be dealt with. Once I finished the first few chapters, I was already feeling better. And I began implementing it, actively, every time my brain veered into worry territory.
- I also slept better than I have in a long time. I did get woken up once around 4 because my oldest was in the bathroom and I hear everything at night! Wish I could sleep more soundly but I’ll still take what I got.
- I’ve got a whole new outlook on my life today. My check engine light came on yesterday when I was driving my son to an interview and my brain went into a tailspin. But after reading later in the evening, I didn’t stress about it. Instead, I made a plan: took it in this morning and they did a quick read. Seems like a sensor is just not reading. Nothing major. But I had planned for the eventuality of not having the car today and decided to just do what I can here, in the house. Living this way is so refreshing. It’s more in the moment and actually, seems to yield more success. Focus on what you can do right now, between waking and going to bed.
- That said, even though yesterday felt so bad, nothing truly bad happened. In fact, I got some good news: another FSU interview on Tuesday! Another advisor-type position but pays about the same as the other one and my old House position so hey, no complaints.
- I’m making my way through grading while also trying not to think too far ahead. We have to plan for prom! I am excited because I wasn’t sure my kid would go. My daughter? She is the dance kid; she’s already been to the two 6th grade ones and I know she’ll probably be a sophomore going to junior prom! But my son is so low key, this is a shock. I am really happy for him though, and this new girl.
- I’m loving how green everything is out right now. The new growth just glows all around my yard as the breeze blows through. However, there’s some much oak pollen it’s best admired from inside!
- I have to ride 10 miles on the indoor cycle soon but then I get a bit of a break; then back to backs 20s this weekend. Luckily, we don’t have too many plans. Isaac has soccer on Saturday but that’s it! I could use a low key weekend.
- OK, most grading is done. I’m really getting so much done with this new outlook on focusing on just the now.
- Off to bike then think about my A to Z challenge for day four. Hmm…D…
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Many many many years ago, before I knew Mark, he actually took a Dale Carnegie class! I think it might have been the “how to win friends and influence people” one but when I read what you wrote about the worry book . . .I immediately left your blog and ordered an actual book on Amazon. It will arrive on Saturday. My husband doesn’t read on a kindle or phone – he actually doesn’t enjoy reading – but I think he will read this and he needs it right now. I popped back over and finished reading your post. I hope you will post some prom pics!
Yeah in the worry book he talks about his class on winning friends etc. If all goes as planned I will for sure post pics!