I keep a bullet journal and I will probably write this there too but on all the sites I have been perusing since this job stress, they say to make lists of your strengths and skills, as well as what you like about your job. So here’s my cobbled together list.

• I’ve always enjoyed the organizational aspect. Small tasks like collecting and organizing forms from grad students makes me happy. Setting up the schedule of 500+ courses for all 3 terms is something I enjoy; it’s data entry but organizationally taxing too.
• Though I am an introvert, I came to like interacting and listening to the grad students I help. I am just one of their contacts but they come to me to talk about teaching issues, etc.
• I always enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere. Since that is going away, I think in the end, that’s my main impetus. Not that I couldn’t work in a less relaxed place, but here, the taking away of my freedoms is too much to bear.
• I enjoyed being on campus. This university is very pretty and it was a nice place to simply go to each day.
• And finally, I liked my direct boss, Deborah. Long ago, I was organizationally under her – for supervision and reviews. Then they moved me under the Chair, which makes no sense because I didn’t work with that position much. When our newest chair came in and didn’t want to do anything, he pawned a lot of tasks onto our office manager and now I am under her, which ruined both our working relationship and friendship. But I digress.  Deborah was kind, understanding, but firm in what needed to get done. However, our work life went smoothly because I did a lot of aspects of our shared job that she didn’t know about and I helped with some of her tasks when she wasn’t around. So it was always very mutual.

Today is Deborah’s last day on campus. She is retiring but moving about 3 hours away to where she’ll be running another writing program. I will miss how comfortable things were here, especially when it got rough with everyone else. It was nice to know she had my back. She always understood.

I’m so hopeful now for my future. I feel a sense of relief at thinking about escaping this toxic work environment. I know there’s a lot of work still to be done and maybe a hard road of learning new things but I am ready. Hell, I am 40; I’ve lived through a good deal of stuff and I can tackle what’s thrown my way. This roller coaster of very bad day/very good day is starting to affect me but I am focusing on taking things one hour at a time; it’s been helping a lot actually; I recommend it to people who get overwhelmed looking at the big picture, the way I do. For now though, I have to keep plugging away the way I always have and just think happy thoughts!