So… this post contains girly TMI. Avert your eyes if you’re *just* that immature. (Or don’t care… 🙂 )
As previously mentioned, I’ve been grinding my teeth so this neck and shoulder pain has been ridiculous. And relatively irritating. It has affected every aspect of my life. Though on the mend now, the first part of this week was pretty awful. My back hurt, I was tired, just not with it.
Last night, I started to wonder if maybe my birth control – for the first time in 12 years – had failed me. See, my cycle was on time but not… “normal”. I won’t give you any extreme details but it was lighter and just felt different. But it started on time and lasted the right amount of time. Case closed. After consulting Dr. Google last night about whether or not it was possible for that to happen and still be pregnant, I started to freak out a little bit. On a site wherein it gave pregnancy symptoms, it also gave alternate reasons for things. For example, back pain could be how my body is dealing with stress. Well, this week has been super busy so there’s that.
The more I thought about it, the more I rationalized that I should take a test, if for no other reason than I’d rather know and stop taking the Pill and you know, not drink beer. I drove up to the CVS and the sky was wonderful. Orange and red tinted billowy clouds against a backdrop of cerulean sky. I couldn’t help but feel that perhaps my life was about to change in some wonderful way, even if it was scary. Though not as religious as I once was, I felt like the beauty around me was truly God’s work.
Once home I did my thing and then waited the two long anticipation-riddled moments with Ash. I made him look at the test first and it was…
I was relieved but then more things arose. My brain had been reeling from all the things surrounding the actuality of a third child: daycare payment. The size of our house. More clothes. Less time for the Boys. Way less time for myself. And I really really don’t feel like going through another pregnancy. But the fact that I could have been pregnant did make me see that sometime, in the not too distant future, it may be conceivable to add that final addition to our family. It’s such a weight decision for me.
I’m a skeptic sort so, as per the test directions, I’ll take another one in three days, just to put any worry to rest. Now, though, I wonder why my back hurts, I’m having horrible headaches, and I am tired. Maybe I’m just run down. Maybe I just need to run more and eat better. Guess I just needed something to shake things up. Funny how life is like that eh?