Walls are closing in


Perhaps it’s the fact that school is basically over and my job revolves around the collegiate school year, so I feel this impending something… Once grades are all in and posted, I think that will subside and I can read my vampire porn in peace, thank you. But until then, I still feel relatively anxious. Though, traffic was A LOT thinner this morning, proving that the students have been trickling out of town all week as finals have finished up and by next week, it’ll only be real Tallahasseans around here. And won’t that be different? And nice? Yes.

I hate that I always feel stressed around Christmas. Doesn’t that even sound silly? This should be a very happy time of year. I have been on and off listening to the XM Christmas stations but I don’t want to overdo it. However, I always stop when this song comes on: (partial lyrics)

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away

I think this is really good advice for me now. I’ve got to let go of my anxiety and worries and that mental to-do list that’s been driving me insane. If I could just write it all down and stick to it, then my brain wouldn’t feel all overloaded. I just wish it were easier to do this. What will it take for me to feel in the Christmas spirit and able to slow down and appreciate things? Maybe now that it’s colder, I can feel wintry. And maybe since I am about to mail out my Christmas cards, that one line through an item on my list will bring about a feeling of accomplishment.

I don’t know; what do you do to get in that Christmas mood? Shopping kind of works but then I feel guilty about money. Please, halp!

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