Sometimes I make a mistake. It’s usually when I’m feeling kind of low and deserving of a treat because I’ve been working hard. I get greedy. And I get more caffeine. And then my head buzzes and I feel so alert and active that I can’t sit still or concentrate. So I’m doing the exact opposite of what the point of it was: to be productive. I foil myself.
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Meanwhile, I started writing something. Nothing special, but a little short story opener and I have a page single spaced so far. It’s funny, me and writing. Before I went to school for it, I did it for fun, as a hobby, to get away from the world and create the kind of people I’d want to know. Or I’d create people I hated and do things to them they deserve. Maybe it was a little passive aggressive but it didn’t hurt anyone. Then, after getting my Masters in writing, I almost completely stopped writing fiction. I still wrote some non-fiction, some articles. And I always always blog and keep a journal. An actual journal in a book. A moleskine actually. But I oftentimes find myself dreaming up a story, where my heart yearns to write it out, to explore and figure out the intricasies of these imaginary people and their lives. There’s something very organic about how those things seem to unfold as my hands begin to type on the keyboard. With each click they become clearer, an actual vision of humanity instead of a wispy dreamlike enigma. And I cannot figure out why I don’t do this more often, why i can’t make the time to write, every day – at least for practice. It’s lame to say I don’t have the time but I know I must make the time, if I want it.
And you… what do you make excuses for but would like to be doing more often?
I feel that way sometimes, too … like, I have these words inside of me and they just have to burst forth or else I’ll lose them and the magic they’ve created in my mind.
There’s lots of things I make excuses for. I don’t even know where to begin.