First thing Ash did to totally annoy me yesterday:

I had just put the Boy down for a nap. I enter the living room, where Ash sits watching SportsCenter.

“Here’s your phone. I am going to mow the lawn.” I place his Blackberry on the arm of the couch, about 5 inches from him.

“Ok, I’ll listen for the Boy.” He says, turning on the video monitor that was on the coffee table.

I mow the lawn then clip some hedges right otuside Elliot’s room. I hear him fussing. It had been a good 30 minutes. I go inside and ask Ash why. He sort of stares at me blankly and asks, “Have you seen my cell phone?”

::Slaps self in face.:: Did you not hear me say I put it there nor see that it was Right Next To You?

No.

Did you go into his room looking for it?

Yes.

Then he’s fussing because of you! Go get him!

Argh. This is one of the many little moments that he and I encounter along this journey called parenthood. I would say that maybe once a week at best we come across times when he has dropped the ball. I am not exempt from mistakes – trust me – but in the mom department, I am on it. I know that it’s not something you just fall into and become awesome at, this parenting thing. More specifically, this father thing. For the most part, Ash is a great dad. And I know that when E is a little older and walking, talking, Ash will be the go-to guy for most things. He has already shown me that he will. And I know it.

For now, I feel like I have to be completely at the end of my rope, going insane, before Ash comes in to rescue me. Our second argument came when we were all sitting in the living room and Elliot was crawling around, getting into things as usual. he then crawled into the kitchen and out of sight. About ten times. And each time, Ash didn’t even notice. So I asked him why it was always assumed that I would go retrieve him. Since Ash wasn’t in the arguing mood, he pretty much just blew me off and avoided the question. I was tired – worn out from a ton of housework – and very hungry. So I know for sure that I was being a little testy. But still; the fact that Ash assumes I’m the default parent even when we’re together really fires me up.

I know that these things will improve. Because we both want them to. I know that marriage is never “blissful” or “perfect.” Someone once told me that marriages are either successful or unsuccessful. I tend to agree. You must always remember that you are in it together, no matter what that involves. And I think Ash and I try to remind ourselves of that whenever these things happen. Maybe I need to actually believe it more.