The known and unknown

Things I knew about my sister:

  • She has always loved art history/Egyptology
  • She has never finished her AA, despite multiple attempts
  • She is a great salesman and has worked retail since 16
  • Working has always been her cop out for quitting school
  • She is kind to friends and helpful
  • She can be terribly irresponsible
  • She has fibromyalgia
  • She was a happy kid, one who loved to laugh and play and ham it up for a camera
  • She is too picky about who she associates with; doesn’t let people really know her

Thing I just found out about my sister

  • She is clinically depressed but will not get help
  • She was terrified to leave her NY apartment all these months
  • She doesn’t feel like she has anything to offer men except sex
  • She has cut herself
  • She needs attention yet doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone
  • She needs help
  • This all happened last night. For a while, she and her roommate/best friend had been feuding. My sister finally decided she would move back home – again – and one of her home friends offered to fly to NY and drive back down with her in the U-Haul. Apparently, she and this friend had a big fight in the middle of NYC and one left the other, etc, etc… And my sister called my mother, freaking out, threatening suicide etc. Even though I know – in my heart of hearts =- she is just reaching out for attention. I don’t think she means it. But then again, I don’t know. Her best friend called me and told me thing I never knew before. She said, “She’s not the same person I used to know. She has a lot of demons in her head. I just don’t know how else I can help her if she doesn’t want it.”

I know this is sensitive material here but I needed to write it to work through it. She and I have never been close. I mean, we talk on the phone a lot and have fun together but she always has a barrier that keeps people an inch away from getting to know the real her.

My mother in on a plane this morning bound for LaGuardia. My sister is incapable, both mentally and physically, of getting home. She is a prisoner inside herself who is depressed, has low self-esteem and poor self-image. She cannot pull herself from this rut on her own, yet refuses to let anyone actually help. My mother is hoping that showing up on her doorstep will finally break through the walls, show my sister that we care and that she is worth it.

Her life is worth living.

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