It rained most of the weekend. Whenever we have multiple days of rain, I start feeling really depressed. And it’s not something as easy as, “well, I’ll just cheer up.” It’s deep-rooted, just happens when the weather turns crappy. I can’t explain it; I just know that somewhere inside me, I have lost sight of anything that allows me to find the joy in life. And isn’t that sad? I know I’ll break out of the bad any minute, hour, day now… but for this moment, I’m feeling like battered crap.
I just did something to my site that took away my breastfeeding ticker. WTF? Is it going to be one of those weeks? Is it? Are we starting now?
Ok, I have got to STOP looking at everything so negatively. Ash and I were talking yesterday about how I tend to look for happiness in external sources instead of inside myself. And he is totally right. I sometimes think if I treat myself to a new book or a Coke Zero, I will be happy. Or if I can get a couple hours to myself or if he cleans the dishes, I’ll be happy. I know this isn’t happiness. But for some reason, I continue to have this idea. I think I have a combination of money/job/baby worries all wrapped up inside my heart and my head and I haven’t allowed myself to be really and truly happy with my life. I have SO much to be thankful for and happy about that it’s ridiculous! I can name five right now: healthy baby, loving husband, great first house, flexible, enjoyable job, and supportive friends and family.
Aren’t those reason enough? You know, they are. And I have to see that.
Sorry for the mushy entry here, so early on a Monday morning, but I’m just dealing with some things now. Any advice?
incognitusscriptor.com 
I think we all at some point look for happiness outside of ourselves–I know I do. Just find a balance. Maybe if we consider the term “content” as opposed to “happy,” life becomes a little easier. We acknowledge there are things we’d like to change, but can deal until we are able make those changes.
but on the bright side, you have an AWESOME new award in your sidebar!
I’m so sorry. Constant rain gets me in a funk too. Feel better soon!
I think french kissing beagles helps…. but then again, that’s just me.
I won’t patronize you and tell you it will get better because it will, but finding happiness within is a lot harder than the self help books would lead you to believe. My solution for unhappiness — find the littlest of victories – you brushed your teeth, you tended to your baby, you said “thank you” and someone smiles — when those build up it really does put things in perspective.