For yesterday, when I braved the Outside World with little Elliot and went onto campus, he was the baby of an angel. He slept peacefully the entire two and a half hours I spent in my office and various other offices, socializing, pretending I still have a life. I was proud of my boy and telling the truth when I said what a good baby he had been. Then last night, enter stage right: Devil child. Ok ok, I’m slightly exaggerating. Right about five he became the most annoying little crier. He’d wail for thirty seconds straight and then be quiet for about three or so minutes. This went on for some time and really, he didn’t need a thing. And I guess he wanted to be held and I’m of the school of thought that believes he should learn to self soothe and I can’t be the mom who runs and coddles her baby whenever he needs it. Some people say that you cannot hold your child too much in his early weeks but I don’t know. I really don’t. I’m honestly conflicted here.

However, as turbulent as the evening seemed to be, he did sleep for about two and a half hours while I talked to my mother on the phone and enjoyed a long, hot bath, the first in about eight months. He was up late, hungry, but slept then for almost four straight hours. This morning, he did the thirty second/ three minute wailing/quiet time routine and then fell fast asleep after about ten minutes of that. So you see my conflict? He’s not giving me any signs long enough to figure out his issue. I don’t have time to run and hold him because soon enough, he’s got himself under control. This mothering thing… more complex than one would have originally thought.

*******************************************************

In about 20 minutes, I’m taking Elliot to his two week well child doctor visit. Although, I don’t know how well he is since I keep hearing him make this… snuffling noise. It’s a cross between a grunt and a sniffle, something like the dog makes when he has his nose in a pile of dirty clothes. They say you’ll know when a kid is sick because they won’t stop crying. Well, it’s pretty damn silent around this house right now. The not knowing part of raising a newborn is the most frustrating.

I am tired today, even with the almost four hours of uninterrupted slumbering bliss. I cannot decide if I want to hit up Starbucks following the doctor or come home, hope he goes back to sleep, throw on a DVD (something long and Epic like Two Towers) and fall asleep on the couch. I could use a nice vanilla latte but at the same time, a couch nap with three cozy Bostons laying on me sounds oh-so comforting as well.

But meanwhile, I must prepare for our outing and wake him,  as much as I wish we could just stay in this serene moment all day long.