I was watching this youtube video about praying (silly, I know) but something they said struck a chord with me. In order to believe that God will help me and not waiver in my belief, it’s important to look back at ways in which he has provided before. So I started this list of things and for me, writing it out really helps me see. So here goes…

• When I was halfway through college, I hit a wall. I didn’t want to go to class and had no interest in my History major. I slept a lot and felt very depressed. God provided me with the new path of a degree in English and once I began down that road, I felt renewed vigor in being a student. My grades improved until I was once again on the Dean’s list and I graduated, if only a little behind schedule.
• Once graduated, I did not know what I wanted to do and I was not ready for graduate school. He provided the opportunity to work a full time retail job. From this, I learned a lot about the real world but was also able to pay my bills until I was indeed ready to apply for graduate school.
• I kept that job during my first year of my MA but was able to transition out of that into teaching as a GA and then graduate with a degree in writing.
• After that, I had zero job prospects. I was scared too. Luckily, God granted me Dr. Teague, the director of the writing program at the same school and she saw fit to hire me, even though I had no administrative experience at all. The only thing I had was knowledge of the program itself. She was the perfect boss for me because she trusted me and allowed me to learn things in my own way.
• This job, for the 13 years I worked there, afforded me the money and flexibility so that Ash and I could build our family. I had all three of my children while I worked there. I got raises and learned a lot about working at a University. The health care was great and I could even work side jobs as an online instructor.
• When that chapter of my life came to a close and it was time to move on, God saw fit to grant me just enough online teaching options that I was able to maintain the right amount of pay. Furthermore, I was already working online when Covid happened so this was not a shock to the system. And those online avenues helped us make it through lockdowns and all the outcomes from our country’s reaction.
• As those jobs dried up, he once more found me a place to land, here. And while this has not worked out, I’d like to believe it was a stepping stone to something better.
• Aside from all that stuff, which is really job and money related, he guided me in my roles as a mother and wife. I sometimes marvel at my success and realize that I could not have done it alone. Friends, family, and God have all played a part in that. It’s very easy to forget that he has a plan for everyone. Even if you aren’t religious I do think he is watching out for all of us.

It was good for me to write those out. I don’t feel like I’m in a state of chaos right now; my brain has calmed down. I tend to overthink and panic and worry, which don’t necessarily allow for growth.