In dreams

I have not been having very vivid dreams lately. I normally do and remember them soon as I wake. Seems that I have been all too exhausted and sleeping right on through ’til morning, never waking to remember the scenes played out in my subconscious. But this morning, when the alarm sent me bolting up in my bed, I was jolted from a rather horrific and all-too real dream.

I was giving birth to a second child. The dream began with me actually in the hospital delivering it right then and there. I don’t think that part took place but I know I had the baby, they took it away from me and then brought it back some time later. When the nurse brought it to me, it was a boy and I distinctly remember feeling disappointed. This shocked me even in the dream because I felt like I wanted a girl. And to be honest, I never ever thought I did. But the weirder thing about this baby was that he was not an infant.

This kid had a lot of hair and as many teeth as Elliot and he was already 30 inches long. Put it this way: Elliot was about 19 when he was born. So my first assumption was that they swapped my baby for this kid. I put in a complaint – I remember feeling very distraught – and a woman said I would have to wait in a line to give the baby back. I was suddenly outside and waiting in a long line of people, in a switchback line (like at Disney) and I was still holding this boy. Frustrated, I made the decision to enter the woods behind said line.

And that’s where the dream changed course. The baby was gone and I was in a group of people who appeared to be traveling together, a caravan. Not really paying attention, looking down as I walked, I saw some strange green boots. And I looked up to see Green Arrow:green arrow

There were others: Hawkman, Wonder Woman, and a slew of Justice League members. I stayed in the group, walking towards an unknown place. We came upon a structure, not unlike a ziggurat, and from a door at the top stepped a menacing figure to, presumably, kill us all:

menacing sladeAnd that is when I awoke.

It was one of those dreams where you are kind of freaked out once conscious and the dream swirls through your head all fuzzy and you are appalled at the events. I remember being scared when Deathstroke the Terminator appeared before us, even though he’s by far my favorite DC villain. (And he can be kinda sexy at times. I mean, hello!)

sexy slade

But the dream freaked me right the heck out due to the baby part.

Does this mean I will have a boy but be disappotined? I wouldn’t have guessed that. Freaky. I’m tired now and didn’t have time to get coffee after my early dentist appointment. It’s gonna be a rough day. What have you dreamed about lately??

Haunted by dreams

Sometimes I have such vivid and startling dreams that they sort of coat my day; I feel them somewhere bumping around in my subconscious, showing themselves on the projector in my head. So I’m going to try to recount the one I had last night, that woke me around 3:25.

I was in a salon with my mother, aunt, and Ash. They had paid for me to get the works: hair cut and style, mani/pedi, and a massage. The woman who was doing my hair was a loud, assertive woman, just the kind I like in these types of jobs because she tells you where she’s going with your style, asking questions along the way, and not letting uncomfortable complete silence creep into the service. So, my hair is being reworked and my three family members are watching and suddenly, we decide to leave and I took my old car (from high school) and went… somewhere, deciding to come back in an hour for my massage. The dream skips to a time when I realize I have to be back for my massage but I don’t take my car, I run. And I run. I am running through buildings and fields and whatever is in my way, all the while feeling the press of time, must hurry. I come upon a car dealership that is closing but I burst through the doors, telling them as I run that I am late.

The apparent owner of said car dealership – middle-aged yet well-aged man – threatens me in a playful tone. I am confused. I look over my shoulder to see him coming out the other doors and chasing me. In front, across a field, I can see the salon. Behind, the man is still in pursuit. The dream speeds up in a blur and I am in the middle of this field in a clawfoot tub, with shower curtain pulled. I know the man is closing in on me and I am scared. But then, there is someone in the tub with me. It is this man’s son, who was supposedly the one chasing me all along. He was tall, looked like he might be named Paolo or somthing; dark shoulder length hair, olive skin, beautifully sculpted body. not too muscly but perfect. He tells me that from the moment he laid eyes on me (5 minutes ago?) that he must have me. As dreams go, I had a feeling like Ash was somewhere around and that the situation I was in was bad.

Paolo (let’s say) embraces me and I push him away, “No, I am getting married.” This is where my dream and actual memories clash because I tell him that I cannot because I am already married yet getting married. (??) And this boy’s father is actually the one running the catering service for our wedding and this boy says, “No wonder we’re serving steak and potatoes at tomorrow’s event.” Like that has anything to do with it. Anyway, I’m still in this tub, with Paolo’s beautifully tanned arms wrapped tightly around me – the guilt was creeping in, settling in my stomach. Suddenly, Ash pulled back the shower curtain and the look on his face was one I hope to never see.

The picture swirls again and Ash’s hands are around my neck, he’s seething, saying “Kill, kill…”

And then Ash startled awake, waking me in turn, and my heart was racing. Dreams are all too real sometimes.

On the edge of the storm

This morning, Ash was eating a bowl of cereal while I was putting breast pump related items into my bag and he said, “Want to see something interesting?” I went to the glass door and saw that it had rained a little, but we were right on the edge of it: exactly half of the deck was wet, along with half of our patio furniture. How cool is that? How often does something like that happen, you know?

Anyway, we watched Juno last night and I liked it. I didn’t think it was all-out fantastic but I was happy with the story. And despite what a lot of people said, I didn’t find the end to be all that sad. It worked out the best for everyone, I think.

Oh, and not to let anyone down, I will recount the two weird dreams I had Friday night. (I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that string cheese right before bed.)

First dream: We were poor or something – kind of like in Willy Wonka – and my grandparents were in the same bed as Ash and I. I was going to sleep and I kissed my grandmother good night. Ash went in to get the baby, who was crying. When he came around to my side of the bed with him, I thought something was wrong and looked at the video monitor, where the baby sat, still in his crib. We rushed into the nursery and put one baby next to the other, identical. Somehow my reasoning was that the other was the evil baby. And suddenly, his mouth became a gaping chomping monstrosity full of sharp teeth and he began violently biting at us. We had to keep the evil thing at bay and finally, ripped that evil baby in half, blood and flesh hanging torn from either side of its dead body. Needless to say, I woke up with a shout and immediately went into the baby’s room to check on him (and to make sure there was only one, good child in the crib.) ::Shudder::

Second dream: I lived in an apartment complex with one of my blog readers, one whose blog I read on a daily basis (no, I’m not telling you who, but it’s not someone I have ever met personally). Details are sketchy but there was something about a swimming pool and cheating on his wife with me and all kinds of other weird ideas that I can’t quite remember. But what I found odd was how that person got into my subconscious. Why not someone from one of the other 50+ blogs I read? The mind is a strange strange thing!

Anyway, time is going surprisingly quickly today and I have yet to accomplish a lot of things that need to be done, like book orders. But I did submit my grades, which is awesome. So, how was your weekend?

Taking it one hour at a time

Ugh. Killer headache. Want to lay down and ignore world. Trying to feel better. Planning my escape after lunch. Maybe.

But first, I have to write about the copy room. I know that sounds riveting, doesn’t it? Basically, I am in charge of this copy machine that is for all graduate students in English and some faculty member use it too. It’s not a difficult job but some people are so stupid that they can’t use the damn machine. So anyway, last night, I had two separate dreams about the copy room. First, the lights in my hallway, office and copy room were all out but the thing was still jammed. So I was trying to fix it in total darkness while people impatiently waited. Then in the next dream, so many people were waiting to use it but they all wanted me to help them. So I felt on the spot and cramped. This room is just big enough for the machine and one person. In the dream, about 4 people were crowding in there while I tried to work. The dreams basically made me feel ultimate pressure to please people and I woke up feeling exhausted. Damn copy machine.

It’s going to pour down rain any moment now. The pressure is probably why my head is soon to ‘splode. I wish it would just start already. Tomorrow calls for sunny and 77 degrees. How fabulous is that? As much as I like that when it’s cold and clear, the air feels clean and breathable. But I’dmuch rather have sun and 70′s any day.

Ok, so since I feel crappy today. I wish everyone a wonderfully cheerful and healthy day – to balance it out.

Oh puh-lease

Ok, so you all know that my last post was seriously just to stir up controversy, right? I’m not that ignorant and you know I am not trying to discriminate. That’s not me. So if I happened to offend anyone’s delicate sensibilities, please, forgive me.

There, I feel better now. I’m going to go back to calm waters; I’ll keep telling you about my job and the cold weather and my dreams, instead of bring up controversial topics. I guess it’s just safer this way.

So with that, I dreamt last night that I had to come back onto campus about an hour or two after work and someone had re-opened the copy room. There was a line of about 10 people waiting to copy a ton of stuff. Also – and this is the weird part – the copier doubled as a microwave so some of the people were waiting to nuke their dinner. Along with that outrage, people were in my office, hanging out and making phone calls, sitting on my computer. I don’t know if this is some subconscious form of territorialism, deep-rooted within my soul but it was definitely weird.

By the way, I was trying to figure out a tag for the first part of this post but I don’t have one called “apologies”, and even if I did, I think that would be a terrible trend to set; I don’t want to start blogging in a fashion that pisses people off so much I need a tag to say sorry.

So yeah, happy Wednesday folks.

Those FRIENDS will always be my friends

Last night, around 6 or so, I started cooking our unhealthy meal of Hamburger Helper. It was all we had and we’re leaving in 4 days; cut me some slack. Soon after we were done, Ash proposed an idea. We needed to go to Home Depot to procure a gift card for our neighbours (they’re not your ordinary neighbours) and he suggested we also swing by Best Buy, purchase season 8 of Friends and proceed to watch said season.

*Backstory* – years ago, when we lived with Steve and Chris at Woodgate, we all really got into Friends. We bought each season DVD collection and watched them, well, as quickly as we could. And then we watched them again and again.  But we only bought up through season 7. It was on tv in reruns so much that I think we all got a little tired of it and it dropped out of our viewing rotation. (Note: I barely watch TV anymore anyway).

So Ash and I decided to watch Friends in bed, since we have a 32 inch LCD in the bedroom which pretty much is only used for late night tv-to-fall-asleep-to and Xbox. It was nice to lay in bed at 7:45 at night and veg out. I fell asleep around 11 and had weird dreams that I was playing a real-life board game in which I fell into a vat of blind sharks shortly after failing to slay a pirate. WEIRD.

So today, I cannot leave early. Grades must be posted by all graduate assistants and professors by 4 PM, which pretty much means I have to be here up until that time. Ugh. I have a sinking feeling that two grad assistants will not post on time. One has already left town and his email keeps getting rejected and the other, well, I can imagine her coming in on Friday whining about how something kept her from doing it and oh, whatever will she do, etc etc etc… This will not be good…

If they reinstate the draft, I’ll see you in Canada, eh.

Good morning, one and all. It is cold here: 32 but feels like 25. I broke out the scarf this morning, along with the mittens. Sure, I only walk about 100 yards from my car to the building but still, I wouldn’t want to get chilled. I am drinking tea and yet, I am still shivering. Maybe I am getting sick.

It was difficult getting out of bed this morning – it was so toasty and warm and I was having such a strange and fantastic dream. I was in a swimming contest with 3 other people, one of which being a guy I know from school, and I was winning. I was doing the backstroke (the style in which I won many times in middle school) but everyone else was freestyle. Yet, I was able to win each time. It was a satisfying dream.

Yesterday was a very long day. I didn’t get home until about 6:50 (only 20 minutes short of being up and out almost 12 hours). On the way home, I caught a piece on NPR in which they interviewed three U.S. soldiers. It was terrifying what they discussed. All three men agreed that nothing we see reported about the “war” on tv is anything like what they witnessed: people crawling through the streets with limbs blown off, small children crying endlessly, lost, land-mine damaged, the smell of burning flesh a constant smell that these men say they can never forget. All three returned home to their base and were given a survey to determine whether or not they were experiencing signs of PTSD or any other mental issues. The military apparently has a great front for mental health care but all three soldiers say that once they turned in the questionaire, not once did someone try to get them some help. Each of the three men experienced the same post-war symptoms: they would have nightmares and wake up with their hands around their wives’ necks. One interview with a wife really put me over the edge – I was crying in my car – because she said that her husband will be fine one minute and the next, shove her for no reason, not even realizing he did it. She lost the man she fell in love with. The moment I got home, I hugged Ash and told him never to go to war. Things all came together perfectly because after having a minor breakdown about the inequality of chores in the house on Sunday night, Ash decided he would do more. When I got home, he had the Christmas tree on and the tart burner going, the little Christmas village lit up on the side table.

We decided then to go grocery shopping and then to Lowes for some hardcore scissors. We had a great evening, the perfect end to a very long, busy day. I wish sometimes that life could feel as perfect as that all the time. But you and I know that it has peaks and valleys. And it’s not how you are when you’re riding high but how you do it through the bad, how you pull yourself through it so that when you come to that mountain top and see all the good in the world, you can truly enjoy it.

Happy Tuesday.

I’m listening to Christmas songs

Yes, I’ve got Pandora tuned into the Christmas goodness. It’s raining outside – very dark too for 8 AM. It makes me want to sleep. No, just lay down in the dark. I’m not actually sleepy. Ash had to get up early to get to work to finish some projects so I tried very hard to go back to sleep. And I did – for about 10 minutes but I had a very odd dream.

I was driving with some guy (presumably Ash) in an old 50′s car and it was dark, rainy and we were in black and white. We were on a road by the shore, rocky outcroppings edged the road. From the start of the dream, we had a flat tire and were trying to find a place to go. Suddenly, a hotel emerged out of the darkness. We pulled up and read the sign: Bates Motel. The man presumably Ash says, “Well, if I had a death wish, I’d pull in there but we know what’s gonna happen.” So he turned the car around and we kept on driving but in my side mirror, I saw a creepier version of Norman Bates, holding a young girl’s hand. Ugh. Where did that dream come from?

I had a whole wheat bagel this morning but I am feeling sort of fat. No, just bulky. I don’t know – this weather is just plain crap.  Since it’s Friday, rainy, and with only one more week of school to go, I have a feeling I am going to be very bored today. Sigh. I don’t mean to complain so much but it’s not nearly the weekend and I really really really don’t want to be here. :(

The end of the week has arrived

And I still feel like crap. Well, ok,most of the flu symptoms are gone. I’m not as achey and my nose isn’t stuffy or runny or anything. But my head is heavy and when I bend over, there’s immense pain. But I think that is a residual side-effect of the tooth. This is my first morning without the dressing and I am waiting to see if it will start to hurt. Because if it does, they gave me one to put in myself. I have not eaten breakfast but I might need to get something, as I think the lack of food is making me feel worse.

We got paid last night and 4 of the 10 days reflect the 3% raise that State employees got. Woot! I love paydays. I love knowing I have enough money in the bank so that if I want to go buy 3 pumpkins and 8 gourds and a half gallon of apple cider… I can.

cider.jpg

I don’t know why it won’t let me justify left; must be a snafu of the photo being centered. Seems to be doing alright though as long as I write to the end of the line. Anyway, I must be worried about some things because I had this weird dream. First and foremost, Ash and I are going to go test drive some Elements tomorrow. Since my car could die any day, we need to get the ball rolling here.  In the first part of my dream, we were getting ready to go and I went into our room and Ash was dressed in slacks and a sweater (unlike him) and had a ipod. He said we weren’t going to look at cars because he met some guy and he was going to his house to swap anime. I went to my mom – who apparently lived in the same house – and she explained that the men were going out and we were going shopping. Here’s where it gets weird: I then proceeded to hit Ash about the face and head. It was terrible! I kept saying how mad I was at him, but the feeling in the dream was not anger, it was focused on hitting him, which made me feel guilty and awful each time. Ugh.

The second part of the dream involved what I did this morning: took the dogs to the vet for their vaccinations. My sister was driving us there and we got to the vet – which was not my real vet and I did not recognize the city – and a head shop was in its place. The stoners told us to call so-and-so number and it was my vet, who said they’d moved across town. My sister and I couldn’t find it and it was really far away. This dream definitely has to do with me thinking to myself last night that I better not forget to take them this morning, which is why I wrote “vet” on my hand; the original palm pilot! I guess I was worried that my doggies wouldn’t get there and get their shots. Dreams really are very strange when you think about it. Anyway, I am beginning to feel alright; alright enough to stay here and work. Oh happy day.