Leaving it to fate

I think one of the keys to being a parent – and maybe even a good one – is that you have to harden your heart sometimes. Your kids are going to be emotional and they have to learn lessons and you have to let them. I’m not one to fall for their over-emotional drama when it comes to small things. I do try to be an active listener if they’re really going through a tough time but if you’ve spent any time with kids, you know that they don’t hesitate to manipulate the crap out of people. It’s built into their tiny systems: the ways in which to get what they want out of others. It could be a survival mechanism, I don’t know. But let it be known that I have gotten very good at not falling prey to their whims.

That said, I actually felt very sad last night. I had a heavy heart as I realized that only one of the ten kids invited to Elliot’s belated birthday party this Saturday has RSVP’d… to say he can’t come. Then I went down that wormhole: what if no one else comes? What if they’re all planning to but not RSPVPing because why say yes if they are coming? Then I got scared that we’d be the only ones in that party room with two extra large pizzas and two pitchers of soda we don’t drink and OMG, my poor son. He wanted his party at the skating rink because he’s discovered his love of roller skating. And even though he’ll get that, I would be so so bad if no one else came. I’ve cobbled together some ideas about it. I think Lucas will be there; my boss’s grandson. We always go to his parties and I believe she told me her daughter would drop him off. Matthew should be coming; he’s one of Elliot’s best friends, we’re friends with the parents, and they live right around the corner. Then Carrie said Beau and Lanie might be able to go. They were originally but then Beau broke his arm. However, he has a hard cast and the doc gave him a green light. God, let’s hope so!

I know sometimes you have to let things go and hope for the best. Who knows? It could turn out great. I’m not one to do things last minute but in this case, I think I have to let things fall as they may and try not to stress out.

Things might just work out for the best.

A moment in time

This morning’s sun tried desperately to peek through gathering rain clouds, which I kept thinking about. I hoped they faded away before our pot luck at my boss’s house later in the morning. The sky was a beautiful mess of gray and yellowy-orange and some pink-tinged edges too. I was somehow calmer than usual as we went through our normal morning routine. Inside, I was stressing about Elliot, who is at the younger kids’ daycare this week and not exactly behaving. He’s just being a pain and they aren’t used to him but it bothers me. He’s nearly eight and I can’t have him being a punk. When will he outgrow that?

Regardless, I got them off to school just fine then returned to my car, Culture Club coming through the ipod into the speakers. Enveloped in the contemplative words of “Victims” I got through town in record time; my car seemingly speeding through the narrow roads of Seventh and Bronough. Down through the historic section of town are these gas lamps and a slew of age-old Live Oak trees, the subject of my next tattoo. I saw a particularly aged one, all bumpy at its base and… wise. It felt like such a powerful object, sitting just to the side of a well-traveled road; a permanent fixture of downtown Tallahassee.

Once to my office, I emailed the two people I had meant to yesterday, I ate my breakfast, then sipped my coffee; sweet sweet coffee. I opened all the necessary tabs; pulled up pre-written text for specific aspects of my job. I’m about to delve into a round of hardcore grading. I have to focus, buckle down, be free of distractions.

Human Again

This just might be the first day this week that I actually work all day. Here’s a recap of our week so far.

  • I got “the call” from daycare Monday and Isaac had a 101 fever. I took him home and he immediately fell asleep. But he woke an hour later just screaming in pain. His right side hurt and he flipped when I touched it. Now, Isaac is my tough kid. He’s the one who gets relatively injured outside and keeps moving on. So when he walked to the bathroom and literally fell over from pain in his arms and legs, I made a decision. Ok, well, Ash made it. I was hesitating to take him to the doc but if it had been his appendix (right side pain!) they would have sent me to the ER anyway. So away we went, to the less crowded ER. After we got all checked in, he already seemed better. I had never seen him so sick or in so much pain. BUT, it’s just a virus. The doc said all his symptoms hit at once and that’s why it seemed so severe. It was crazy, people.
  • It’s a good thing I didn’t go to the main hospital because one of the people who dealt with at the other told me that there had been a gun shot victim brought in and the entire ER was on lockdown. I’m assuming because the shooter wasn’t finished with that guy yet so there was still a threat.
  • I tell ya; I am ready for the universe to give us a break. It’s been one thing after another for the past few weeks. It is becoming quite tiresome!
  • On Tuesday, I split with Ash so I went to work, taught my class, met with students, then went home. Isaac and I ran errands and did yard work together, which was great but also, very bad for my allergies.
  • On Wednesday, I came into work but my allergies were so bad, I couldn’t focus. Hell, I could barely see. I went out on my lunch break to get meds but I didn’t take them right away. By 2 pm, I was DONE. I ended up going home, taking meds, and getting into bed. The night before, Elliot kept waking up and consequently, I got awful sleep. I really needed that nap. When I woke up, I felt like me again. Things started to look up.
  • On another happy note: I got the annual invite for the beach. Five families that I know all get together at St. George. I am really looking forward to getting away from it all. I just hope by then, our lives have evened out just a wee bit!
  • Caught up for the most part; I teach this morning and then have a bunch to do. A friend of ours is in town so we’ll see him tonight. Then my brother-in-law gets in tomorrow and will be here through the weekend. We have baseball and Monster Jam and running and well, it’s gonna be busy!

On and on it goes

Man, what a morning. It was the kind of morning where you’re already late and you can’t find stuff and when you get in the car with all the kids, you find that you left the radio on XM’s Lithium – which is uncensored – and Nine Inch Nails blares on with “I want to f*** you like an animal”. And as you quickly change it, your seven year old has a melt-down reminiscent of when fights used to start in school. One kid lays an insult and kids are all going “Oooooh!” He reacted just like that when he heard it. I had to nip that one right in the bud and then try to move on with my day. I took them all to their various places, then got Ash from way past my work to take him to his work (his car is being worked on) and then I myself went to get my car worked on.

I shouldn’t complain; it’s going to cost me a whole lot less than Honda. But still. Ugh. I got back to work and realized that – again – my key card for the parking lot was gone. I swear my children must be throwing them away when I tell them I’ll pay them a dollar to clean out my car. Well, as an experiment, I used a Starbucks gift card and – lo and behold – any old card will open the gate. Mwuhahaha. I literally laughed hysterically as I realized this and drove around for a spot. Had anyone been walking, they’d have heard me and thought me mad.

So here I am, buried under work I have no interest in doing, and trying to feel normal. You know those days? If your routine is broken up, everything just feels weird.

BUT, we had a pretty good weekend. We finally got a new washing machine, though it’s not going to be delivered until Friday. We didn’t do anything else special ON my birthday. In fact, I made different food for each person in my house because I’m a good mom. And I ate oatmeal for dinner!

Saturday morning started early, with Ash dropping Ell and I off near the race start line around 7:30. It was a great morning for a run: 43 and sunny. Elliot did very well but I jacked up my knee on an uphill and it was a tough run back down said hill. But when it was over, I felt pretty good in general. In fact, I worked my ass off all weekend: we mowed and weeded and cleaned. It was nice.

That night, we met six of our friends at hurricane for my birthday and had a great time! Sabrina had to leave early but Greg came back and the rest of us closed that place down. Though I had intended to go to the new “barcade” in midtown, we had fun at the restaurant anyway.

So today, I am worried about money and the summer but this always seems to work out, even when it’s at the seemingly worst of times. I am hoping to just be ok, as always. I don’t know. Sometimes life is just such a crazy up and down roller coaster. I wouldn’t change anything about it, but sometimes I’d like it to stop spinning so much.

The world on my shoulders

I have been exceedingly overwhelmed and behind schedule; it’s starting to wear on me. This weekend was FULL of things and I managed to get through Saturday morning without freaking out. In fact, instead of thinking about it too much, I just… got through it. And before I knew, the two soccer games and end of season parties were done. Thank God. Stats: Elliot *almost* scored three goals but he saved about five while playing goalie. Isaac’s team had seven goals all season, five of them he scored himself. As of one PM Saturday, soccer season was put to rest. On Sunday evening, around 4:30, I received the email about baseball. LOL. It never ends, does it? OK, I chose to do this, I know.

The menfolk went camping almost directly after soccer ended; Isaac took a brief nap and Ash loaded the car. The site was a little under an hour away where they met his friends who had already set up. All they had to bring was food and clothes. I hear they had fun: canoeing, hot dogs on the fire, potato gun fights. Small ones though. We have a potato launcher that would kill you if aimed at a person. Ash said they didn’t complain about sleeping in a tent and woke feeling great. Though Elliot did puke the next morning, we surmise it was from too much junk food. He’s not used to overdoing it on chips and sweets.

Baby and I whiled away our hours, playing, cleaning, and getting food from Whole Foods. Once she was asleep, I pretty much just lazed around. Ok, untrue. I graded papers and read. The next morning, we got a lot done in the house and the boys were all home a bit before one. We didn’t do much; Ash has a really bad ache in his neck, to the point where he can barely turn his head. We sort of watched the Oscars; I was more focused on getting laundry done and making dinner. Once that was done, I was just exhausted.


That’s all I’ve got; it’s Monday and I suck. Come back tomorrow for coherent thoughts.

Too slammed to actually put something together

This weekend just flew by; we were super busy. On Saturday, Elliot had a 9 AM soccer game and Isaac had a 10, so Ash took Elliot, I stayed home then took Isaac to his with Baby and then when Ash showed up, I took Elliot back to his field for his 11 o’clock game and Ash and Isaac showed up about 5 minutes into that one. It was crazy! I just wish they could both be at the same park but Elliot is now in a league where they play on larger fields. So yeah we did that then napped then went to the store. Ash took Isaac to the doctor because long ago – back in late September, he had gotten a splinter but it was so deep in there and he was spazzing out so we were unable to get it out. I always figured those things worked themselves out but his calloused over then just days ago, began hurting him again. It’s always something!

That said, my grandmother passed away last night. It had been a long time coming so it’s not a surprise. but now I have to make plans for getting down there and making sure Ash can handle the kids at home (I’m not dragging everyone). It’s crazy and I am not sure how it is all going to work but I am sure it WILL. Just another thing I have to make it through.

Sorry for cutting this short but it’s still crazy at work. I’ll be around…

Let me off this ride!

I don’t even think I realized just how go go go we’d been until, well, this morning. I told you how I’d gotten very good at using my phone’s calendar feature. That really helped me to keep my head above water but then today, as I was coming into work, I was more aware than usual so I started making a to-do list. Holy crap, folks. This thing ended up being about ten items deep and some of them are sort of involved. I crossed one off: registering the boys for soccer. I was reluctant to go from flag to soccer with only about, oh, 3 weeks in between but they had asked and Isaac actually showed much more interest in that sport over others. So that is marked off; yay.

I still have to place an ad in the paper and on Craigslist for our upcoming yard sale. I am actually REALLY looking forward to doing that. We will get rid of this disassembled TV stand and the five entire boxes of kids’ toys and clothing. I also plan to go through the kitchen. It’s amazing how much stuff I accumulated in that room alone that I don’t really ever use. Anything left is being donated. We are also trying to sell our bed frame on a local site where we’d probably get more money than the garage sale. It’s a good bed: a solid walnut frame and it’s a big canopy style thing. We just want a king size and not such a huge hunk of wood in the middle of our bedroom. I’m actually more of a minimalist when it comes to furniture. When we get rid of the frame and the old mattress, we will also probably get new carpet. Our bedroom is the last to get new carpet; each of the other three were replaced each time we had a baby. It makes a huge difference! I cannot wait until our bedroom is clean and nice and new again.

The other thing that’s been dragging me through the mud is Todd. He was going every couple of weeks to see the dog eye doc but then his eye started to look worse so we went after one week and we’re slated to go back in another week. The problem is that he got a slight cut on the bad eye and it turned into an ulcer. Now the thing is growing bacteria and if it gets really bad, the retina could become perforated. I am hoping this new regimen of drugs will help but to be honest, if it doesn’t and they need to take the eye out, that would certainly be a relief. Dogs can do just fine on one eye; it’s their third most important sense anyway. I’d just like to put this all behind me.

Let me tell you what else snuck up on me this week: Teacher Appreciation at the daycare. Unfortunately, we got an email about it Monday… for Friday. That is not enough time! Especially seeing as how my week was broken up into Before Family Came Home and After. Wednesday was like Monday to me because they were back and it felt normal again. So now it is Thursday and as it is, I have to run to the grocery store on my lunch break and I have zero idea what I will do for those teachers. I used to get little baskets and put color themed items in there based on the suggestions the director gave us about what they like. Well, probably not this year. I am thinking a heart-felt card and a ten dollar Target gift card is all they’re getting. With three kids, an ailing dog, and an overwhelming amount of work, I just cannot hold myself to the old standard.

I may just be going with little mason jars of candy and whatnot along with a colored ribbon and card.

So, now that I have spoken with an editing client and crossed a few other minor things off the list, I have to run to the store on my lunch break then go home and tend to the old dog. It’s always something and if I didn’t know any better, I’d tell you that secretly, I love how busy we are.

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

So, nine years ago this happened:431872364_931eac81e7_o


For a long time in my twenties I didn’t think I would ever get married, that anyone would want to marry me. I wasn’t emotionally stable and I had no clear idea of what I brought to the table. Through dating Ash and then marrying him, I discovered all my strong suits. I also figured out where I was weak and where he stepped in. This manifested itself more and more as this happened:1287904184_52754e6168_z

And that baby was a game changer for us. But it also made us stronger. So we decided to make another one:4528779707_fe486b3df8_z

I got really used to our family of four. It was perfect. And as the boys grew, things got so much easier. 





We grew as a family and learned how to coexist in (mostly) peace. But then, my wonderful, loving husband convinced me that we needed just one more. Just ONE more…9650026136_8a46a8e50b_z


So here we are, nine years later. We have done so much in this period of time, it would take days, maybe weeks for me to recount it all. But it’s been magical and I can’t wait to see what keeps coming. Next year, at 10, we’re going back to Hawaii and it is going to be amazing!431876630_7bde303926_z


When things get out of hand

So I was off Friday and that was pretty nice – the menfolk went to see a movie and then us women met them for lunch. I took Elliot to his orientation and then we all napped. The boys had a make up swim lesson that night so dinner was choose your own adventure but it was a good day overall.

On Saturday, I was straight up in a bad mood. I found it very hard to get motivated to do anything at all. In fact, it wasn’t until after nap and lots of TV that we really did anything. No, wait, that is not true. Elliot and I went to  Target early to get all his school supplies. I wait on his until I make sure his teacher wants what is on the general list. In the past, it has been slightly different. So yeah, we got all that and THEN I did nothing. But once we napped and went to Publix later in the afternoon, the day picked up. Ash and I had some beers and we grilled hot dogs and hamburgers. Everyone was happy. Around 11, I heard baby girl crying so I went to check on her. She had a full diaper (she’d been having some issues so I’d been feeding her bananas and apples sauce for a couple days) so I was surprised by that. Anyway, she went back to sleep but intermittently cried, which she sometimes does. But she always went back to sleep.  Around one, I heard her making some weird noises, kind of like choking sounds. I went with my gut and went in there to see she’d throw up. It didn’t seem chunky but she definitely puked. SO, Ash gave her a bath while I cleaned up. She threw up one-two times every hour until 5. I laid with her out in the chair in the living room, watching bad TV. She would thrash about, cry, puke, then  be exhausted, dozing off for maybe 20 minutes before doing it all again. Poor thing! She finally stopped throwing up and fell asleep at 5 and stayed asleep until 7. FYI, I slept on the couch for maybe 45 minutes between 10 and 11 but I was up until I first heard her at one. So the next time I got any sleep, was those two hours in the AM. By 7, the boys were up and I put her in her crib, feeling pretty confident that she wasn’t going to hurl anymore.

And she didn’t. Around 10:30 she woke up happy and I fed her a bit of breastmilk. It stayed down. Throughout the day I was cautious and she had water and toast. The sleepiness didn’t catch up with me for a while; I ran out to get a pedicure around 11:45 (Ash kindly took over) and maybe about 3 I fell asleep on the floor of her bedroom while she played. The menfolk were all doing their thing and I was exhausted. I think I might have slept for 45 minutes? Then I woke up and finished laundry and made a lasagna. She was definitely better because she had more toast and a banana and managed to down 3 ounces of formula before getting to sleep at 6:30. A bit early but she needed it. And me? I made sure I finished laundry and all but I dropped out at 8. I fell asleep on the couch until 10, then crawled into bed and slept soundly until 3:30… when I was wide awake. So I got up and had some water, checked email, checked on the baby, then forced myself to sleep some more.

I really needed that sleep because today, Isaac starts VPK, Ell had his first day of second grade, and in about 25 minutes, baby girl has her one year check up. (A little late, I know.) After that, I get to go to work! Just writing all that makes me feel tired. A mom’s life! So that’s what we’ve been up to. No MMMM this week; I have to do a few things before we get on to the doc. I hate going to the pediatrician so I need to muster my patience and all that.

Is that an end, in sight, that I see?

Aye, it could very well be that this massive amount of work I have is coming to an end. Granted, I have to grade 18 papers this week and 22 first drafts of research essays BUT I meet with the writer of this manuscript today so that’s one item checked off the list. But of course, the list keep getting longer and longer and things sort of pop up along the way. Not necessarily for ME, but in general. For one, Ash had a relatively new pair of pants tear when he bent down to pick up a computer. Penny’s discontinued his favorite style so that was one of those interesting days when he was annoyed and could not find any pants.  Then Sunday morning, Ell was having a meltdown about finding a lost shoe and when he tapped (ok, banged on out of frustration) the garage door window to get our attention as we were loading the car pre-beach, the glass insert in the door shattered. Yup, just fell right apart. To his credit, the thing is old and it gets banged opened and closed A LOT , so it was just the straw meeting camel’s back. But STILL, he is not getting to play video games any time soon. That kind of behaviour ain’t gonna fly. It’s a shoe for God’s sake. SO, we went to the beach and had a really nice time. I mean it; it was gorgeous weather and everyone was happy. But at the very end, the boys were trusted to be good and, well, things happened. Ash’s glasses are broken beyond what we can fix so he’s all blurry-eyed. He’s more blind than I am so life is bit tough right now. Thankfully he has an appointment today and they’ll find a solution, be it contacts now and new glasses later in the week or something like that.

So that’s how our weekend was: I mean, Ash and I had a nice Friday. We worked out then had beer and Mexican food before seeing Lucy, which was not very good but we had ice cream and that IS good. And he didn’t go out that night so we all had a nice evening, though it was pretty hot this weekend. The mornings last week had been noticeably cooler. There’s about a one to two minute time I get to myself on hectic mornings when I pull my car from the street to the driveway, for ease of loading it up. Each day last week I reveled in the low 70s/low humidity weather that we were graced with. My weather app SAYS it is still only 78 right now but the Feels Like is 91. 91 at 8 AM!

I promise to be a better blogger this week but for now, work is demanding my attention. Have a great week everyone!