Presently


I’m working around some student conferences today – one student already came by and I have one at 9, then 9:40 then 11. I’m listening to my Sade Pandora station, which is currently playing a really calming Maxwell song titled This Woman’s Work. I had egg and cheese on wheat toast for breakfast and feel satisfied on just that. I am wearing my Wayne Enterprises t-shirt. I am contemplating a to-do list for the day. I am thinking, intermittently, about green grassy backyards, sprinkler water illuminated golden by the rays of the sun, canopy road drives, and cold drinks.

I am trying to be more aware of myself in the present. As in, appreciating right now instead of fretting about later. Ash pointed out the other night that I had been exceptionally calm as of late, which he directly attributed to having money. I usually don’t freak out as much if I have a little padding. But to be honest, I don’t have money. I had to get tires and pay extra to daycare for Isaac’s prorated amount for the end of May. And I set some aside for the upcoming month of July when I won’t be getting paid to teach. But I’m surprisingly OK with where I am.

And yet, I do still keep looking forward instead of absorbing this current moment. I’m ready for vacation and picture taking and swimming in the pool and going to the beach. I am ready for meals cooked by my mother and my kids enjoying a different house and the company of their grandparents. I keep thinking about them too. They just took a trip to Glacier National Forest up in Montana. Actually, they went a lot of places: Denver to Spokane (they also stopped at Gonzaga Univ.). They went horseback riding and hiking and did a little boat tour and today, on their way back, they’re stopping in Idaho and staying in a hotel there before getting back on a plane to come back. I’m really quite jealous of them but know that when Ash and I are empty-nesters, we too can take week long relaxing vacations such as this.

All young couples pay their dues. Traveling on a plane – to me – is out of the question. I don’t even want to try it because OMG I’d probably end up shoving one or both of them in the overhead compartment. I don’t really care to take them on a long car trip either. Four hours is my max. BUT, all this aside, the pain and suffering will all be worth it. I just have to remember that. And be present. And aware. And thankful.

 

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