Ash likes to throw around the phrase – reminiscent of the James Bond film – “Sometimes… the world is not enough.” And I roll my eyes and go back to reading or whatever he’s interrupted. But you know, there’s some credence to this statement. Sometimes, it just isn’t enough, no matter what you “get”, you always want more. And I don’t just mean material things, though my first inclination is to think about money. I am planning – carefully – my next few summer paychecks, which are inflated due to the way pay gets distributed in these semesters. And after catching up on things and saving some, I’m still broke. And it’s just never enough.
We had an excellent weekend: pool with some friends, Mexican food, dog walking, lawn mowing, nap time, playground, movies. It was over before I knew it and I wanted more time. Conversely, I was so happy for it to be a new week so I could get a break from the kids, much as I love them. The brief window of naps is never enough time to actually accomplish anything.
And sometimes I feel like a total heel because I’m over here with my paid off car and our big SUV and our four bedroom home and nice yard and quiet neighborhood and two healthy kids and the ability to pay all our bills and NO credit cards and think, God, what am I complaining about??
How hard is it to really be thankful for what you have? Perhaps this is just the product of American society. We want it bigger, better, we want more, super-sized, everything we can get our hands on. And as much as I do appreciate small things, I still find myself wanting more and overlooking the sweetest things that make life worth living: fireflies during my evening run, Isaac’s laughter, Elliot giving me random kisses, Ash remembering to ask about my day. These make me happy for the briefest of moments but they bridge the gaps between the moments of stress and the worrying, like a pearl necklace, they are the string between the “big things” that I, as an adult, must worry about day in and day out.
I found myself unnaturally at ease with money yesterday. I even had to pause and take note of how not worried I was at that exact second. If only I could do this with every little good thing in life, man, I’d be golden.