As in, financially. I know you’re all shaking your heads and saying, “Noooo, I don’t wanna hear about your money woes AGAIN!” but this is my on-going dilemma and it needs to be written. It makes me feel better.

That said, I have applied to numerous part-time positions in the writing and editing fields, along with doing some networking with people I used to work with/for and who now manage stores in town. God, how I so do NOT want to work a part-time job. Ash has said on a number of occasions that if it got bad, he’d either pimp himself out as a computer dude or get some work at Best Buy. And I’ve always fought him on that because I am selfish and want him home. But since I’m the one who makes less money, I’ve decided that I need to step up. The online teaching was such a good way to solve our problems but the solicits are no longer coming. I have no idea why.

I am willing to put in a couple months of hard labor and long days if it means we can get ahead until the second half of summer or until the kids’ daycare rates change or – best case scenario – I can find a higher paying job.

During Spring Break week, I noticed a gigantic stack of desks out in the hallways in our building and realized the maintenance people were hardcore cleaning the classrooms. One guy was bent down with a paper towel and a spray bottle meticulously cleaning every inch of every desk. In my head I thought, “My, how that must suck.” And then I realized that at least he has a job in this shitty economy. And then I realized how whiny I am to be bitching about wanting another job so I can maintain this lifestyle. Sure, we could sell my car, live off the money, carpool. I could quit my job and stay home full-time, losing my identity and not contributing financially at all. We could cut out TV, internet, keep feeding Zoey the cheap food and watch her fur fall out. I could stop sending Ell to Junior Gym on Fridays, which he loves. We could turn the air and heat off altogether and utilize sweaters and fans. But I don’t want to do that. I want to be comfortable.

This is short lived and most young couples have to “pay their dues”, go through some rough spots. It won’t always be like this, I know. I’m glad I spent a lot of today looking for other avenues. I have something in the works that I’ll reveal very soon and I’m pretty excited to get this idea off the ground. It won’t bring in any money right away but it’ll be something long term on the side.

As my sister once said, ‘It’s always OK in the end; if it’s not OK, then it’s not the end.”