Ash warned me; he did. He said that people sometimes go a little nutty during taper week because though you’re glad to be running less, your metabolism is still running really high and you have an excess of energy. On top of that, you’re used to making time to run so without it, your brain cannot process the extra slot. Ain’t this the truth. I was like a caged animal yesterday. I wanted to cross-train – i.e. use the hang board – to tone up a little and expend this energy but I was in such a bad mood that I didn’t want to do anything. I ate two biscuits and some grits for dinner then I crawled in bed at nine o’clock. Nine! I felt like such a slacker but I was angry at the world and sort of felt like I’d hurt someone if I didn’t sequester myself away.
Honestly, my day was a lot like this. One thing could have set me off. I was a walking time bomb. But today, oh, how I do feel much better. I’m still worried about a lot of things but more equipped to process them. For example, I do indeed need surgery on my right hand to correct the carpal tunnel. Though it’s a relatively minor procedure, I think the word alone is bothering me. SURGERY. I’ve never gone under the knife and I don’t know how I feel about it. Though I base all pain on my experiences with childbirth, I just don’t know what to expect. I know that for at least two days, I won’t be able to do much. The home is my realm and relinquishing that control….kind of gives me the shakes. Ash will have to do so much more for me and though I bitch and moan for him to do more in general, giving it up in this manner just irks me. I’m not allowed to change diapers or do anything that may cause my incision to get infected (ew) so basically, I’ll have to just hang out. Just the thought of that makes me feel gloomy.
::Clap clap:: No more wallowing. It’s a waste of time. We tend to get so bogged down in the daily minutia that it becomes difficult to feel really good about all the wonderful things we actually do have, you know? I found myself bitching about some really stupid things yesterday and the voice in the back of my head kept saying. “That’s not true and you know it.” I know if I keep thinking so negatively, it will really affect my life so with that, I’m stopping.
With this weird couple weeks before my half-marathon I am trying to focus on me and the other aspects of who I am aside from running. Also, I am treating myself to some indulgences. I just ate a big cheeseburger and I got a lemon blueberry cupcake that was like OMG. I didn’t know you could package an orgasm but this place somehow managed it.
I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself from this whole running thing. Once the race is over, it’ll be weird to run on my own terms and not for some goal, though I foresee myself finding other races to do so that there IS an actual reason other than weight loss. But by having to fit it into my life, I’ve also learned how to appreciate everything more, like my husband and children. I know it sounds cheesy but running made me a better person. Ha ha.
Ok, enough sappiness.