Firsts and lasts


Today, Sunday, is my last day of maternity leave. It is with little regret that I return to work but a small part of me will indeed miss the time Isaac and I have spent together, just him and I. I’m feeling very… emotional today, though that is not the right word. Realizing that I am about to go back to work and begin again to balance all of these parts of my life has given me this added patience and understanding for Elliot, for Isaac. I am feeling more attached to Ash today, too; more of that “we’re a good team” vibe. When I kissed him goodbye, as he left for Magic, I felt stronger, able to cope with all of… this. Even though it’s about to get a hell of a lot more complicated.

I have two weeks to catch up on work and get ready to teach class. Though, summer is always pretty easy. I cannot truly express how much I am looking forward to going back to work. It may sound heartless but I like the balance that work provides. My job allows me to feel fulfilled in a completely different way than being a mom. This, however, is the time in my life when I pay my dues. Things are so busy and I have to juggle more balls than may seem humanly possible. Our world is rushed, noisy, chaotic and leaves little time for calm and quiet. But I love it and I wouldn’t trade it. Ok ok, this has been all too cheesy. Moving on!

My parents’ visit this weekend was fun but stressful, to me, but I couldn’t tell you why. Maybe a combination of my ever present guilt over numerous things coupled with the ceaseless kid noise. Maybe I’m just sad that I finished my book. Or that I have about two more weeks until I get paid. Or maybe it’s this heat; 96 every day this week and increasing humidity. I can handle high temps but the humidity that makes you sweat as you walk to the mailbox is just killer. I wanna sucker punch mother nature on those days, especially when I’m running. My lungs are pissed about that humid air. I am glad they’re gone but miss them as well.

The boys and I ventured to Target and Tropical Smoothie before this impending storm. Elliot was good at first then loud as a bullhorn in Target’s aisles. We’ve finally reached a point where he announces – loudly – that he has farted. Sigh. I never saw myself as the mom who would have to quell a child with  a megaphone voice, telling him not to announce his bodily functions. Sigh, again. I know it shouldn’t matter but it’s episodes like that that make me thankful for books and running: my two escapes. Thank the Baby Jesus for vampire novels and the great outdoors.

SO, back to “normal” tomorrow, though the morning routine will need to integrate Isaac’s new place. I probably won’t have time to get coffee in the mornings anymore; something will need to be done to rectify this problem. I’ll need to start buying Starbucks from the grocery store. But that can be done. No worries. I’m on the precipice of a new chapter in my life. Teetering. Don’t push me… not yet. I have about 14 more hours.

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