I was never very good at tests


This must be some kind of strange, cosmic mental/physical test that I am being put through. From the regular 4-5 minute contractions early Friday morning to the fact that my body stalled out by Saturday to the resurgence last night and the fact that there’s still not active labor today… some force of nature or spirit is putting me through the wringer. I am mentally exhausted from thinking how much EVERYONE is just waiting for me to have this baby. My mother came up Friday anyway, just in case. And though she says she doesn’t mind – because being at my house she gets to hang out with Elliot and doesn’t have to do all the junk at home – I feel terribly guilty; like I am holding up her life. She has coverage of her class until Wednesday but I still have this overlying feeling that I am somehow at fault.

Weeks ago, when I was at an appointment and talking to my doctor, I told him I never wanted to be induced but asked how he feel about such things. He told me that if I were to come in at my 39 week appointment and be dilated and /or miserable, he’d have no problem breaking my water and getting things started. Tomorrow, at 8:30 AM, I have my 39 week appointment. I am hoping so very much that this will be the end. I guess it’s pretty hard to put into words how frustrating/sad/uncomfortable this entire weekend has been, despite the fun things we did. Saturday morning, we all went to the downtown marketplace and walked around, got some produce. Then we ht up the playground and had lunch at Japanica. Yesterday, my mom and I had a nice lunch outside while Elliot napped and then we did some shopping in the afternoon. All that walking must have started something because I was in a lot of pain last night. And all to no avail.

I guess I didn’t realize that pre-labor stuff could go on for so long. This child seems reluctant to come out and my patience is being pushed to its all-time limit. BUT, I cannot sit around and just wait for things to happen. That’s not me. It just really sucks to be living each day – hell, each hour – thinking this might be it. I even came into work just until 11:30 today because I feel like if I sat around the house, I’d go insane. My mom and I plan to have lunch then walk around Target. Supposedly all the walking helps him get more into place. I have utilized so many natural induction methods: pineapple, walking, spicy food, sex/orgasm, etc. All seem to have thinned out my cervix some but nothing has actually brought labor. I have never been so ready in all my life.

Hopefully, the next time you hear from me, I will have another little baby boy and all will be right with the world. One can only hope.

2 thoughts on “I was never very good at tests

  1. I know this must be so frustrating. I have a friend (well….blog friend) in Dallas right now who is going through the exact same thing. The walking and everything else really DOES help, even if you can’t tell yet. Just kept reminding yourself that your body knows how to have a baby, and trust the process. In birth (if nowhere else), everything happens for a reason, and since this is your 2nd baby, you KNOW you can do it, because you have Elliott to prove it.

    I wish I could be there with you to help in any way I could…you’ve been in my thoughts constantly this weekend, but I didn’t want to bug you about it, knowing you have enough people already asking “is it time?”

    Hang in there. I know it’s really hard, but it will happen eventually.

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