Living moment to moment

I feel as if I am trying to decipher my body in code; like it’s trying to tell me something but I don’t know what it means. With Elliot, my water broke so it was obvious: labor had begun. This time, or at least today, I feel crampy and achey in my low back; having a lot of these Braxton hicks. So many that I can’t really time them.

Because of these factors, I am living under the pretense that this meal could be my last. That I could have to notify my job ASAP any second. That they’d better bill me for the hospital come Friday because I haven’t got that copay right now! Point is: I am trying to be as prepared as possible and it’s a very strange feeling to live your life thinking that any second, you could be vaulted into that stage of mounting pain, resulting in this tiny bundle of flesh that cries and needs sustenance and NEEDS you  all the time. And who will turn your life upside-down for the next few weeks.

I feel like it’s kind of weird of me to be hoping to go into labor. But I’m mentally and physically prepared. Let’s just go.