When I awoke this morning, there was something awry with my system. To be polite, let’s just call it “intestinal distress” and suffice to say I didn’t want to venture far from a bathroom. I left about 5 minutes late to get Elliot to daycare and all was fine but immediately after, I went back to the house to Google a certain medicine’s safety during pregnancy. Once deemed OK, I ingested, drank some water and laid down for about 10 minutes before getting on to work.
The drive in was seemingly long and trafficky, leaving me annoyed. I hadn’t eaten yet so I decided to go to Starbucks and get some oatmeal. I figured that would be good for an upset stomach; it’s pretty basic. The S-Bucks I go to is off a busy road and tends to back up in the drive-thru, but there are about 8 parking spaces to the right of the drive-thru line with a through lane to get to them and around the building. Our light was green and the car turning left into the parking lot in front of me indicated she was going to park, because she was in that through lane, to the right of the backed up cars. And then she didn’t. And I was out in the ROAD. I honked. She didn’t move. I got increasingly more amped up as cars started to come AT ME from the light that had been red. I got so fucking angry that I walked out to her window and told her to move because she was blocking the place where we drive THROUGH, not park. And she seemed at a complete and total loss. As if what I told her made absolutely no sense.
Well, I was incensed by this time and once she moved her big ass SUV up a bit, I just decided to drive away – in the other direction because she was still blocking the way to the parking spaces – and I left, without food and feeling very crazed. I cried in the car because there had been a cop in the parking lot and I just knew he was going to come after me for reckless behaviour. I got to work, still panicky, and went into the Circle K for a shitty-ass biscuit that did little for my appetite.
SO, of course the day I have the worst stuff go wrong is the day that the bulk of freshmen can register and if I had been here on time, I would have opened more classes. But since I got in at 9, I had a ton of phone messages and emails, all crying because there are no seats for them. STRESS.
I know that the “right” thing to do is move forward and recover, stick it out, go to class, and do my work. But all I can think about it going home after I teach. And climbing under the covers and hiding. I am really pissed off at myself for getting that angry this morning. The words “road rage” echo in the back of my mind and I am just downright disappointed in me. And I know that I probably will give in and leave by 1:30. I may even go to the grocery store, because we’re out of so much and I won’t have time tonight because of yoga. It’s pathetic how I let all this come crashing down. I thought I was stronger.
I guess not. Not really.