I could make excuses but I won’t. Things have been crazy busy, at least since last Friday. Birthday parties, playground, stolen moments for naps, first day of classes, freshmen, confusion, stress, and being pulled in so many directions I feel like that Stretch Armstrong doll from the early nineties. I had one of those; what a great idea for stress release, you know? But I think it’s all settling down now and my brain can think for one. tiny. moment.
On my plate: plans for class – I have so many ideas for them! Books – Life of Pi (Still), Eclipse (About halfway through), Lost City of Z, and Maus, which I have to give back soon. Carpet purchasing: we’re redoing the other three bedrooms soon. Chair purchasing: Ash needs a new office chair and it’s my goal to buy him a Herman Miller Aeron one, which is expensive but worth it. Buy a potty for Elliot. We’re going to see if we can begin implanting the idea around age two. We have but two months to go. Plus, I need to make a doctor appointment (annual) and an eye doctor appointment as well. Summertime is like this for me: I make a little extra money so I have to squeeze in all these things when I normally could not. It takes a lot of willpower not to spend it on other, more fun things.
BUT, if things go as hoped/planned, I might have an excuse to buy things. You know, like baby stuff. God, I am just waiting for that day. How hard do I have to try to do something that “seems” so easy?? I realize it takes a while sometimes; my perpetual commenters (I luh you guys!) remind me of this and this reminds me that I’ve ranted about this topic before; time and again. I know by complaining it sounds like I am “stressing about it” or “trying too hard”, as people have said. I swear I am not. I just want to get the show on the road. I’m not “ready” to be pregnant but even more reason to do it: just jump right in – feet first, eyes shut. Take the plunge. Better that way. Like ripping off a band-aid. Or that scene in a Friends episode when Monica and Phoebe are trying that new leg hair wax removal system and it burns. Not exactly funny but what I thought of first. I watch Friends when I’m working out; running my 3 miles in 30.
I’m so disjointed today – thoughts everywhere and overthinking pretty much everything. It’s funny how I can overthink things when I haven’t barely got the time TO think. I haven’t made the time – or felt the desire – to write. When I don’t write, I get lazy on almost every other creative outlet I ever allowed myself. It’s sad because I want to do stuff: color, draw, write anything, and yet, I go home each night and make dinner, work out and read some – maybe – and then it’s sleep, wake up groggy, and start all over.
Last night I was anxious and in a funk. I wanted to clean but had a breakdown before I could even pick up a broom or mop. I eventually yelled at Ash and went in my room, knowing I had to calm down and take a minute. I didn’t end up cleaning but at least I pulled msyelf together and made dinner. I also managed to work out, even though I felt sick as a dog when I was done. Ick.
Things feel better today. I got coffee and a breakfast sandwich and I am much more motivated, a lot less stressed. I’m on the mend. 35 minutes until class and then… lots of work. But at least I feel like I can handle it. Today.