Some of you may know that I love Halloween probably just a little more than any other holiday. It may have something to do with the colors, or the feeling of Fall, or the smell of warm fires in the air. Or it’s the pumpkins, because I have some kind of love affair with those magical gourds of all shapes and colors. I think because I hate scary movies and have issues with terror and such, this allows me to get close to “scary” things but not actually be mentally messed up.
Tonight, Elliot will dress as The Cutest Pumpkin (official term) and we’re going to Trick Or Treat with a group of my friends and their kids. Unfortunately, Ash is still harboring this awful plague so he’s going to stay home and (presumably) hand out the candy I bought to the kids we might get. I kind of have a feeling that we’ll get more people at the door this year. It seems like the fear of door to door trick or treating may have lifted some. In years past, it’s been a sad show around our neighbourhood.
I decided not to carve my pumpkins this year. I got two smallish ones and for one, I was going to carve pi, because, you know, pumpkin pi, hard-ee-har-har. But I just didn’t have it in me. They looked so cute just side by side on my front porch. And besides, my carpal tunnel kills when I have to hold any kind of utensil for a while and carving would be the death of my right hand.
SO! I have a whole bunch of work to do before lunchtime, when I have to run up to Target for last minute holiday things. What are your plans for the evening?
- Went to a kids’ consginment shop in town that always has great stuff. Found only ONE sleeper and later on in my car, found it to have a tear right at the crotch. Every time I have tried to sell something, they scrutinized it for minutes before deeming it worthy. Obviously not with this item.
- Have an assignment to do that I am DREADING, mostly because no one else in the group for it has done theirs either. Why should I start?
- I have no idea what Elliot is going to eat for dinner; he’s been rejecting almost everything. I have a feeling it’ll be cheese, yogurt and a banana. AGAIN.
- Ash is STILL sick and I’m a LEETLE bit OVER it. (Also, having a brief obsession with the caps lock.
- My jeans just formed a hole in them on my upper right thigh. Not happy about that.
- It’s only 2:50.
- I have a headache
I have a problem: I obsess about money. Not in the way that say, young entrepreneurs obsess in that they want to make a ton of it. I simply want to be comfortable. But I am constantly worried about it, thinking about how much is left in my account and whether or not I can afford X during this pay cycle. To clarify, my husband and I split everything. For most* couples, this is not the case. If one makes more than the other, it does not matter for it all goes into one pot. Sometimes, I wish it were different but for the most part, I like having a seperate bank account. I don’t really want to see all the money coming out each day Ash goes out to lunch and he doesn’t need to see each latte I buy, Even though we both know what the other spends their money on, it’s nicer not to have to see it coming out of OUR account.
Anyway, that’s not the point of this post. The point is that I was thinking about how much “extra” money I used to have to buy stuff, like Halloween decorations. And I argue sometimes with people that kids “aren’t that expensive”. But I think if I tallied up how much I spend in one month on baby supplies, food, etc, I would see that there is where my fun money went. For example:
- Monthly spending at Target on things like diapers, baby food, and diaper genie refills: 110.00
- Monthly spending at Walgreens for Pedialyte in case of illness: 20.00
- Monthly amount in groceries spent on food for Elliot: Around 100.00
So you see, I could have about 230 extra dollars to buy decorations or a pedicure, etc. I am getting really good at going without, even though those are frivolities that make me seem selfish to want, they can also bring me small joys.
What do you go without so that someone else may have?
*I say MOST because I keep runing into more and more people who are splitting it evenly these days.
So I am going to see if I have the coolest WP blog (which, well, I think I do). So, leave me some comment love and I’m going to enter. If it helps you comment, why don’t you tell me which blog/blogs you read most often? Then we all get a little something out of this.
So the ICK has been going around… and around; everyone is sick and some people are sick again, me included. My cough had dried up and then this morning, I am once more having drainage issues (Draaaaiiiinagggge!! “There Will Be Blood reference, anyone?). I wish this cursed affliction would leave my family the hell alone; I’m getting tired of this. Oh yeah, and Ash just left work to go to the store and buy OJ and vitamin C pills and he’s currently getting cozy with the comforter on the couch, no doubt to take in hours upon hours of SportsCenter and nap away his illness. In some ways, I am kind of jealous. BUT, the lemonade stand is going to have hot chocolate today so that’s a definitely plus to coming into work.
SO I have been thinking lately about this NaNoWriMo thing that’s coming up – like, soon! I have never even considered taking on this ginormous feat: 50,000 words in one month, but I think I can. I didn’t realize that, really, the only goal is QUANTITY, not QUALITY. Well, hell, I can pump out a phenomenal amount of CRAP, that’s for sure. But will I want to? I am going to be editing like a fiend and deleting, repeating, rewriting and in general, probably spend a good portion of November feeling like this could be so much better. But we’ll see. I find myself being very project driven so having this one thing throughout November might be really good for me. The question is: do I also take on NaBloPoMo?
And on an entirely unrelated note (not true – I’m trying to work this kind of stuff into my novel) I was thinking this morning (because I felt reminiscent about things) about this black tin my mother had. It bore a small flowery pattern wherein the gold petals were shiny. Inside, she kept all sorts of random things and these are the ones I remember: some patches from NASA, Care Bears, and YMCA, bobby pins, various sizes of safety pins, a few bobbins of thread, sewing needles of various eye sizes, a few random coins, a few flattened pennies that had been collected from the railroad tracks, an eyedropped with a black bulb no longer than my pinky, and a few buttons in different sizes and colors. For some reason, I loved when she got out that box because I liked looking at those items. I look forward to seeing if Elliot remembers anything like that. Do you have anything like that from your childhood?
So this morning, I drove through the rurals of Southern Alabama to a teeny tiny town called Cottonwood, to renew the tag on my deceased grandfather’s Suburban. My father is executor of the estate and the powers that be in probate gave him all this paperwork and said I’d definitely be able to do it. So my father pays me 100 dollars, I drive almost 2 hours through towns that don’t even have a stop light, (all while missing work, mind you) all to find out that they will not renew the tag because a) my grandfather is dead and I didn’t have a death certificate with me, b) I nor my father actually resides in the state of Alabama and c) the person who will inherit the vehicle lives in Kentucky and all state rules are different. Reluctantly, I got back in my car and came home. On my way out, I saw Cottonwood’s little animal hospital, which was closed, but an English bulldog and a bassett hound were sort of milling about then pawing at the door, where a golden retriever was trying to get out. Very cute; it looked like they were sort of in a cartoon where the two dogs were trying to break free the other, and they had plans.
The weekend was not relaxing. It had its ups… and downs, but I was busy the entire time. Around 11:30 on Saturday, my friend, Desiree, called and offered us a couple tickets to the football game. So we went out to lunch (Longhorn) and then met Desiree, her husband, their 4 year old son, and her mother at the stadium. I must say, at least one of the perks of working at FSU is that I have faculty/staff access to 24 hour restricted parking lots. We still had to walk about 4 blocks but it wasn’t insane like everyone else. It was Elliot’s first FSU football game! And he did… ok. He really wanted to walk around but it was versus Virginia Tech and sold out. Fortunately, Desiree and her mom took turns with us taking him down to walk around near all the concessions, where it was also much cooler. I think it was only in the 70s but our seats were on the sunny side of the stadium. Elliot ended up falling asleep at one point so all was well in the end. Oh, and FSU won so I guess it was ALL good.
Sunday morning Ash woke up feeling sick again. He just can’t seem to shake these flu-like symptoms. Personally, I’m getting a little tired of playing nurse. Elliot is, for the most part, feeling better, though he had a typical toddler day yesterday: oh I’m so happy, wait what? No, I hate you, whine whine cry. I had to take him out multiple times because that’s the only way to keep him satiated. We went to the mall and Kohls and just around town so he’d shut up for five seconds. There was a point in the late afternoon where nothing would make him happy and he was all whiny and then Ash started getting all mopey and pitiful and I was like, “This house is full of assholes – I need to get out!”. Though I didn’t. I stuck it out until after bedtime, after working out, and then I went to CVS and bought those Sudacare vapor relase tabs and took a long hot shower.
And this morning, I got a pumpkin cream cheese muffin. Which I now must work off. ::grumble::
I got back into the office around 11 and I am swearing off taking any more time. I was out of here so much last week with Elliot being sick and I cannot afford this any more!
So that’s what I’ve been doing. How about you?
I’ve been an awful blogger lately. You can blame it on being a mother with a cold, a sick kid, and a sick husband. It’s just been ridiculous since we got back from Chicago. Sure, there was the 3-4 days right after when work was slow and I had some time to MYSELF – because if vacation isn’t good for enough things, it will certainly remind you why you make time for yourself, away from your husband, sometimes. The past two days, we’ve both been home – because of teh sickness – and I am ready to high-tail it to the other side of the country, to some resort in the mountains where I can check my email in peace and maybe, you know, read one sentence in my book before someone needs some Nyquil or snot wiped from their ever-flowing nose or, or, or… you get the point! It’s a never ending cycle in this household and I need a BREAK!
But really, this time of year – though I love it – can sometimes get me down. And so long as I am admitting things, I feel like I’ve been a not-so-great wife lately – just been kind of whiny and complainy about things. The very last way to get Ash to do anything is to whine about it. He works best if we’re all working together. Like, if I do X, can you do Y? That’s what gets him motivated. But I tend to get into a mood and be all like, “Why can’t you just see that X needs to get done and do it? I know you know…” And then he shuts down. I mean, SHUTS DOWN. The system is down. And then I get all mad and think that somehow by getting all upset, it’ll make him change. LOL. What have I been thinking?!? The worst part is when you know something is totally futile but you do it anyway. It’s actually HARD to make a change, you know? I always thought it was as easy as saying “Ok well, I’ll just not do that anymore” and POOF, things would be all better. Such is never the case. It takes hard work and acknowledging the problems, being on the look out for them, and catching them before they arise again.
SO, now that I have that off my chest, let’s talk about fun stuff, ok?
We had a lot of fun at the Pumpkin Patch on Saturday, though I wish we could have stayed longer. Really, there’s not a whole lot to do when he’s this young though. He was walking around, touching the pumpkins, but he liked riding in the wagon the most. Have I ever told you the ONE thing I always wanted as a kid but never got? It was a Radio Flyer. I really really wanted one but I never did. Though, come to think of it, I didn’t ask for it either. Looking back, I guess I just sort of expected my parents to buy me one. Anyway, E loved the wagon and he had so much fun.
Unfortunately on Sunday, his ear infection began. BUT, here’s some things upcoming to look forward to:
- Cooler weather = ridiculously cute baby clothes.
- Cooler weather = Elliot is going to need new footies (Target anyone?)
- My parents are coming here for Thanksgiving and I get to be Martha in the kitchen
- Sundry is going to be launching a new site soon about fitness and as far as I know, my weight loss success story will be on it!
- Pregnancy magazine is starting a new online site in which all moms who have submitted their birth story for publication will be included. This means that mine from the September ’08 issue will be there.
- For Christmas, we’re going to Orlando. But we’ll also be going to Tampa for my friend’s wedding and then to Palm Beach to see my grandparents.
SO, if you’re still around and reading this godforsaken blog, tell me: what do you have coming up that’s exciting?
- I still have a very nasty congested cough
- Elliot has an ear infection
- We stayed home today
- In general, he’s not unpleasant to be around but he’s still sick – he smells like sick kid
- Ash is sick too – except he has some kind of stomach thing. Ew. He’s dying on the couch right now
- I have to drive to the tiny town of Cottonwood, Alabama this coming Monday
- To deal with something involving my late grandfather, his old truck, and probate
- My father paid me to do this
- However, unexpected medical costs have blown that payment to bits
- Oh, it’s still PMS week, in case you were wondering
- I could use about 3 glasses of wine and maybe a, um, Xanax? Yes please
I’m a runner. Not this kind of runner but I tend to run and hide from problems or issues that are plagueing my brain/life. If I have something upcoming that I know might be a less than smooth discussion with Ash (holiday plans, money-related anything…) I tend to throw myself into other projects or go so far inside myself that I don’t even realize that I am totally oblivious to a lot going on around me. It’s sort of scary how that doesn’t even seem like me.
Today, I feel sad and worried for no particular reason at all, except – I wager a guess – it’s the week before “that special time of the month”, which tends to be highly emotional for me. I must say, when I was breastfeeding and solely on the mini-pill, my mood swings were definitely milder than before. I am back on regular birth control and I can pretty much count on a “PMS” week, wherein I’ll feel like everyone is forsaking me and my life is in shambles, even though – as far as I can tell – everythng is peachy. Maybe I just don’t know how to deal with this sort of feeling. It’s during this time I usually feel like I need a therapist. Or a lot of caffeine. Or lots of sleep. The thing is – and I hate to admit this – if I could just have a good cry, I would be totally fine.
Sometimes, I think if I were a guy I’d have to deal with less of this. Sure, I know Ash worries but it is rare he feels like this. Whenever I talk it out, he tries to understand and console but he deals much better with his emotions and ideas. He is less afraid than I.
Thanks for listening to me, even in my somewhat insane babble. Sometimes I just need to throw it all out there.