I don’t have a lot of time to post this. We’re having a small Magic tournament and for the first time in about 3 hours, the baby is being…content. He lies in his crib, staring at the sea life on his crib bumper, at the ambient lighting in the room. I walked away to use the bathroom – an event that gets pushed to the wayside now that he takes up the majority of my day – and I thought to myself, why am I in the bathroom, wasting time? I feel guilty now if I stop to think or sit and look out the window. I should be getting things done, things I don’t get done when I am actively amusing the baby or changing the baby or feeding the baby. It’s like there is no time to stop and smell the roses anymore. The brief moments when he is napping, I must pack full of things I mean to do: straighten up the house, launder ALL those burp cloths, grade papers, call my mother. And then, when he is sleeping for a longer period of time, I am so exhausted that I too hit the sack and then, then NOTHING is getting done.
I think I really need to let it go and just allow myself to do nothing. Maybe I will, one of these days.