New theme, old connections

Well, I was always reluctant to change themes because I just thought well, this is MY theme, this is what makes this site mine. But I needed something different. Change is good sometimes and sometimes you have to make yourself do it before you realize just how worth it it is.

Anyway, I had lunch with my boss today at Suwanee Room on campus. It was nice to catch up and talk to an adult for once. Ok, I make it sound like I never talk to anyone besides dogs and a baby but that’s not true. All I’m saying is that it was a welcome reprieve. Plus, I got to load up on food and I had been extremely hungry ever since about 1 AM; I don’t know why.

I came home and did a bit more decorating, put the pumpkin on the porch. I get pretty excited about handing out candy but then, I always feel a little awkward when kids come to the door. What do I say? “Oh, look at you, you’re so scary, creative, etc…”? I always feel like a total dweeb saying that stuff. So I usually end up dumping a fistful of candy sure to induce sugar related seizures and saying something like, “There you go, have a good night.” I’m sure none of those kids give a rat’s ass what comes out of my mouth so long as candy drops into their pillowcases.

Either way, Happy Halloween!!

Papasans, money saved, and forgetfulness

For the record, we’ll save 67 dollars a month by sending Elliot to the child care place I mentioned earlier. FSU raised their fees and we’re not going to get in anyway. Besides, this woman, who used to only go up to a year old, now takes kids until 18 months. By that time, I might be off work for kiddo #2 anyway.

I think Elliot likes the new chair. At first, he seemed skeptical about the vibrating. Also, he’s trying to wake up but I am trying to get a few things done so while I’ve got him in there, he alternates between fussing like it’s the most uncomfortable thing in the world and sound asleep, peacefully and with a slight smile.

Yesterday, I went to the store for lunch items and forgot to buy milk, which we really needed. I then forgot to get the box of Hamburger Helper (healthy, I know) that we were going to have for dinner. Today, while at Target, I forgot to buy batteries so both the vibrating seat and the swing can be utilized for maximum infant control. Er, I mean, comfort and entertainment. Yeah, that’s it. But the point is, bordering on about 4 hours of interrupted sleep per night plus most evenings being jam-packed full of cleaning while the husband holds the baby, making dinner, and all the while trying to keep a wide awake 9 week old from breaking down into a horrific scream fest out of sheer boredom, makes me ultra-forgetful. And it scares me sometimes the things I forget. Being on the mini-pill now, I have to take it within at least 3 hours of the normal scheduled time (which for me is 10 PM, set on my phone as a reminder with very annoying alarm) or else use back up contraceptive for 48 hours. I must have forgotten it one time this week because when I went to take last night’s pill, Saturday was still there. Except I know I took it Saturday because I had just woken from a short nap and was watching The Island and was slightly annoyed at missing something while I trekked to the bathroom. All should be ok, since I spent the beginning of last week sick as a dog and rather unwelcome to anyone, let alone my husband. But come on, brain, you can’t go forgetting to ward off another baby; it’s just too darn soon.

On that note, the girl who was working my job part-time, just until I could go back in January, was also pregnant. She was due sometime late December. I know I mentioned it in the last post but, well, he was indeed born this weekend at 32 weeks. I hear that they are both doing fine and he even gets to come home this Friday. He must have been really healthy already. But the point is, who’s doing my job? It’s a slow time right now but it’s going to pick up soon with freshmen registration right around the corner and soon enough, grades will be due from the TAs. I might have to help a little but no matter what, I’m not going back early; I earned this time off and I’m taking it. I want to enjoy my remaining time with Elliot; take joy in all his little noises – the ones he makes more and more – and walk him, and do tummy time and smell his little head, and remind myself that they don’t stay little forever. And with that, I’m going to go wake him up now. :)


Goings-on, end of October

I do think it feels like a lot has happened but when you have a baby, maybe so much is happening you feel like it’s not. Does that make any sense? Not really but I think you get my drift. Anyway, on Saturday, we had a meeting with a family in-home day care and it was awesome. I’m about to call the woman to ask when we can drop off our deposite check. Originally, I was all gung-ho about a regular old daycare: 100 kids and 20 people to watch them. But I really began to think that a home care would be better for him and easier for us in terms of worry. This woman has run her business for 30 years, only takes 6 kids at a time (3 for her and 3 for her daughter) and they have a play room and a sleep room. I think this will be the best option for him and us. Plus, her references couldn’t say enough nice things about her.

After that, we met a couple friends to see Dan in Real Life which was pretty good, and Elliot slept the whole time! Thanks, little man, we appreciate it. He almost made it through our meal at Roadhouse but by the end, it was nearing the four hour mark on feeding and I understood that crankiness; I had been pretty hungry too. But that was a good long time for him to be asleep. Which, of course, led to him being up a good long time at night. I don’t even remember what all went on the rest of the day. Perhaps a quick nap, a walk, we watched The Island on HBO and then I’m pretty sure I tried to sleep while Ash watched him and then I was up with him most of the night. However, last night was completely different. He stayed awake a lot during the day, I fed him around 9:30, put him down by 10:30 and he slept through until 2:30. Then awoke at 6. Then he stayed awake a couple hours then went down for the nap he’s taking now. Babies; I swear they’re in code and I don’t have the key.

So, a new week wherein I tackle training Elliot to get to sleep at normal times. And I keep working on rearranging my schedule so that I can accomplish my own personal endeavors plus take care of him. This is the tricky part. Meanwhile, I hear tell that the girl who was filling in for me at work has gone into labor. That would make her at LEAST 7 weeks early so I hope she’s ok. Now I have to worry about who exactly is sitting at my desk and taking care of things. But Lord knows that if this is the case, they’re really going to need me back there by January. But seriously, I am going to do my best not to stress about it, especially because so many good things are coming up, like Thanksgiving and Christmas and Elliot getting to be more and more… human.  These are the important things in life.

With that, I am off to shower and then to Target, because my mom – the best grandma ever – is buying us a bouncy seat.

Rice for words

Ok, so I could do this all day long but I seriously need to get dressed and go to the store. Point is, go here and get some hungry people some food!

Meanwhile, I haven’t gotten much sleep but I am awake now and I doubt I’ll be going back to bed. I need to go to the store but the people working on the sewer lines are conveniently parked right in front of my damn driveway. I hate them and I want them to go the hell away.  It’s such a hassle to get out into the street and I always feel like the workers are patronizing me. God, what asses.

I went over my allotted texts this month on my phone bill so I am out another 20 or so bucks. This does not bode well for me and the next two weeks. Especially since what I’d really love to do one of these days is go hang out in a used bookstore and see what I can find. Although, I have plenty of new books and in-progress books that I ought to be devoting time to anyway.

Well, time for me to get off my lazy rump and do something around this dump. Yeah, you heard me: “What a dump!”

Listy list

I had been pretty down lately, mostly due to a lot of rain and crap weather in general, plus some stress and mostly things I brought about myself. But it’s time for a list of good things:

  • I love going into the bedroom when Ash is napping and placing Elliot on his chest. In his semi-awake state, he pulls the sheet up over them both and allows me a few moments of time.
  • Ash took a half day yesterday to take care of me in my sick state. He took care of Elliot most of the day!
  • I applied to an online University teaching position for extra money. Think positive thoughts for me!
  • The weather is getting to be awesome here
  • I’m walking twice a week with a girl I met in childbirth class. A new friend!
  • Elliot is now 8 weeks old and the first thing he did on that day was cry real tears.
  • That sounded like a bad thing but it made me feel like he’s growing up
  • The second thing he did that day was start to focus on things. There’s something different about his face now, something more real in his eyes.
  • Ash and I are finally getting back to “normal” after the whole baby thing. Relationships totally go into a tailspin when a new addition shows up.
  • I went into this little eatery today that I always used to go to and had a breakfast sandwich. It was so nice.
  • I uploaded a video of the baby: check it out

Be careful what you brag about

Maybe it’s just sheer coincidence or maybe I shouldn’t have been so cocky about quitting the breastfeeding support group because I wasn’t having any problems. Well, lo and behold, Tuesday night I started to shake a little, sort of like chills. Then it was full blown chills. I got into bed and felt as if my whole body was weighted down, heavy and tired. I awoke around 2 to feed Elliot and I had a temperature of 102.7. Guh. I managed to make it through the night but it was rough: sweaty then freezing, mind racing and semi-delirious. In the morning, I read in my many books about what it might be and it was indeed mastitis. Sigh. So basically I spent most of yesterday in a coma-like state, moping painfully through the house if I absolutely needed to do something, you know, like feed the baby. I was tossed back and forth between my OB and GP, since one said to call the other and the other was short-staffed and said to try the original instead. It was 6 PM before I got an antibiotic called in but after that and multiple little naps plus a decent night of sleep, I am feeling much better now, at least fever and chills-wise.

I guess it was only a matter of time before something went wrong. I mean, aside from Elliot’s jaundice (ok, AND his umbilical hernia) we’ve done rather well so far. But – knock on wood – hopefully things will be ok for a while. I know with kids things happen and there’s sickness and hurts and whatnot but I’m not going to spend time worrying about it all.

Feet, night owls, and over it

I used to not give a crap what my feet looked like. This is because I never ever wore open toed shoes/sandals of any type. In fact, as a kid I hated flip flops, even though my mother always bought them for us. We lived in South Florida and frequented the beach but I still hated the way my feet looked in them and the way that little thong part wedged between my toes. Ew. Maybe four or five years ago, I got sick of my style of wardrobe and started wearing sandals all the time. Then it just became habit and ultimately, laziness. I have one pair of sandals at a time and when they wear out, I buy another. I have one pair of winter shoes and when those wear out, I’ll look into something different. I know this makes me the polar opposite from most women who have closets full of shoes; or at least 6-8 pairs of different styles and colors. But the one feminine thing I do indulge in is a regular pedicure. Well, I was going once a month but since money’s tight, I do not get to partake as often as I’d like. I never thought I’d be so girly as to do such an activity but it’s the one moment of pampering I get. I sort of wish I had some friends who liked to do this too; it could be just like on TV. But alas, real life is nothing like TV.

I’m a morning person. I love being up at the same time as the sun because I feel motivated and I get a lot done. But since the advent of Little One, my days and night run together and lately, I’ve been ok being up at 2 AM. Sometimes, even after he’s gone back to sleep, I stay up and browse the web or read. It feels weird to me to be the only one awake at that time but I’m starting to like the quiet.

What I am starting to hate, however, are salads. I am eating less than ideally since the baby and I can only posit that it’s due to lack of time or sincere care about my own well-being when his seems so much more important. So I eat 3 cookies because it’s easy. I drink the soda while walking around the grocery store because it gives me that little caffeine boost I need to make it long enough to prepare dinner, so the other man in this house can feel like he gets my attention, if only for a few moments before it’s full on baby again. I am sure in time I will get better at balancing; I think I have already started to even out but for those first few weeks, my life was in a complete upheaval state where I neglected myself and pretty much everything else, without even realizing it. But yeah, I’ve been eating a salad every day for lunch lately and I honestly feel that if I see one more leaf of lettuce or grape tomato, I’m going to hurl.

And then, and then, it was all over

I hate when it rains for days on end. I get grumpy, depressed, and sometimes even so lackluster about doing chores or anything for that matter, that I just sleep. This is only a recent discovery about myself. Maybe just within the last year or two. I wonder what can be done to solve this problem?

Anyway, I had a pretty fun weekend, full of good friends, food and reminiscing. However, last night was not such a party when my stomach and head began to swim and I was shivering, balled up on the couch under the comforter and basically writhing in pain. I don’t know what it was that chose to ravage my body but after a power nap of two hours, I felt much better. Then Ash made me a sandwich and the world was back to normal.

I’ve been having random images pop into my head lately. This happens every year aroud this time, when we plan to take a trip to my parents’ house. I’ll see a flash of the 7-11 at the entrance to my neighbourhood, the homeless guy who stood on the corner by the I-4 exit near the Holiday Inn, downtown Winter Park, Whole Foods, Edgewater drive just as it reaches Colonial. These are flashes of memories, just brief glimpses into my past that I assume show up in my brain as a fond little nod to places I once held special. I say that I didn’t live in Orlando long enough to endear it to me, but maybe three years was enough. And maybe you could call it homesickness because maybe home is still where family is. I thought home was here, here where I live with my husband and three dogs, and the new little one, but I don’t ever randomly envision places around Tallahassee.

I think I am just really ready for all the holidays and upcoming events. First, there’s Halloween, which I’m actually not as excited about this year as I normally am. Then in early November my mom and sister are coming up so that Ash and I can stay one night at this bed and breakfast near here. Then Thanksgiving will be right around the corner and we’re staying at my parents’ place and my aunt and grandparents are coming. Before I know it, it will be time to put up the Christmas tree, move the side table across the room and set up my little village. Holiday songs will abound on the radio, the weather will be cold and everything will feel crisp and vibrate with the excitement of the Christmas season. Then Ash’s family will come for a visit and Elliot will be nearly four months old (!!) and, and… I suddenly feel like I’m rushing time, speeding things up just to get to things like this. I need to slow down and enjoy where I am right now.

And I also need to wash the floor.

Baby on Board

Midday, I decided that regardless of the stormy weather that has been making not only my backyard one big mud pit but also brought down my entire morale, I was going to venture out to Target, baby in tow. Carting a child around in the carseat is one thing but something entirely different when there’s water and a small umbrella involved. But we made it just fine and now he’s sleeping peacefully in his little carrier, big head resting on my chest. Although, I’d very much like him to be wakeful, as he decided he didn’t feel like going to sleep until 3 AM last night. Next time that happens I will resort to plan C – as in, car. He always sleeps in the car seat and once we’re driving, he’s out like a light. It’s a last resort measure, as you don’t want to make it a habit. But when I am absolutely exhausted and there’s a little monkey staring up at you with those beady little eyes saying, “Mommy, I’m wide awake and bored”, you do what you have to do.

Meanwhile, I’ve got to clean up this house for company. I haven’t been keeping up with that as well as I should. Could it be the small shadow I now have or the fact that even when I have a shred of energy I would rather do something else? (You know, like act like a wife for just a few short minutes – geez, baby, always in the way!) I know it sounds like I complain about the unending cyclical whirlwind that is being a mom but it’s honestly the best thing that I’ve ever done. And I know it will only get better and even more rewarding. I look forward to days like they portray in that new commercial for Candy Land. Have you seen it? They’re playing this song that goes, “Come with me and stay awhile… something something…and if the whole world just went away, well that would simply be the very best day.” And then the little boy hugs his mommy and they smile. Yeah, I’m a sucker for that kind of stuff.

All it took

Once I posted something to stay up a while – in lieu of writing about my oh-so boring life – things actually happened that warrant an entry. Isn’t that the way life works?

Anyway, yesterday morning I was doing my usual routine: feeding Elliot in bed, saying goodbye to Ash, and falling back to sleep for a couple hours. I heared the click of the door locking and started drifting off when suddenly, I heared a second click and the clunk of his shoes coming down the hall. Thinking he forgot his ID badge or something, I was surprised when he said that someone had smashed his windshield.

In the past – but no sooner than at least 10-12 months ago – some punks have thrown eggs at his car, which is parked on the street. But this is reprehensible. The across the street neighbor’s mailbox was obviously bashed as well. Now, I said at first I’d rather it had been my mailbox but I take that back; I would have had to pay to buy a new box. But Geico covers windshields and by 11 AM, a Safelight technician was out at our house, installing a brand new windshield. He kind of needed one anyway. It used to be his father’s car and from many cross-country trips, there were little dings and pits all over it. So in that aspect, it was sort of a boon in disguise.

I think my little photo project is going well; I might not do a lot today because of being kind of busy but we’ll see.

I went to my GP this morning to follow up on my carpal tunnel issue.  Pregnancy induced CT usually goes away by this time but mine seems to be hanging around; and he definitely concluded it to be actual CT. Oh and did I mention that my doctor is really attractive? I used to go to another doctor in that same group; an elderly grandfather type guy, but he no longer accepts my insurance so they made me switch. He’s probably early forties and has a sort of ranch-hand rugged look. Certainly makes going to the doctor an enjoyable experience.

I’m exhausted today from staying up until 1, feeding Ell at 3 and not getting him back to sleep until 4 and then getting up at 6:30. I’ll be so very thankful once he’s sleeping 5-6 hours at a time. It’s not a whole lot longer but it will make significant difference in my overall happiness.

And with that, I am off to play some and relax.