One of these things doesn’t belong

One of these things doesn’t belong, originally uploaded by Allstarme.


So, I’m at the store and all I really need is turkey – not pictured – and fruit. Oh and condoms. When I’m checking out, the girl gave me a pretty weird look. I felt like I should explain except, oh, what’s the use? Yeah, I’m 9 months pregnant and buying condoms. And not even Magnums or X-tra Long manly man condoms. Just plain ol’ non- lubricated.


So now I bet you’d like to know why. After Iggy’s minor outpatient surgery today, he is wearing a little bandage that cannot get wet. This means he can’t even walk outside in dewy grass. Our best solution: condoms. It certainly made for an interesting grocery trip and must have left the check out girl baffled.


That’s what I aim to do in this life: excite and baffle. Mwuhaha.


Playing catch-up

Yesterday was riduculous as always. The first day of classes is a whirlwind of confusion on the parts of many faculty and students, alike. Luckily, faculty is usually on the ball. I was prepared and calm throughout the day, even with multiple copy machine breakdowns, anxious freshmen, and on top of it all, rain all day long. I came in half an hour early and didn’t take an actual lunch. By the time I got home, I was beat! My body allows me a good 8 hours and then it starts to break down.

Today is better, more calm. Although, I began in a bad mood due to horrific traffic, students who cross the street whenever they damn well feel like it, and people who take the elevator down one flight. Lazy asses. But I feel good, as far as everything else goes. I mean, a lot of 37 week pregnant women would be relinquished to the couch by now, watching endless hours of A Baby Story and A Birth Story and Runway Moms. Not me, by gum. I’m going to stick it out here as long as I can, even if it means I fall asleep at night by 9:30. I’m a mom now; I gave up my cool card long ago.

In other news, Iggy somehow ripped his toenail yesterday on something in the yard. To be more specific, it tore at the base, so it’s loose but not all the way off. Ugh. Yesterday we disinfected and bandaged and watched him hobble about on 3 legs. This morning, I called the vet to follow up and he’s in there now, awaiting sedation and cauterization. Ew. He’ll look like a declawed cat on that one toe. How weird. But in the long run, I am sure it is what’s best. How much this will cost, I do not know but I’m certainly not looking forward to the bill. I don’t know why but Iggy’s always the one who has these issues! (See: January of this year when he had to have intestinal surgery).

I am teaching online this Fall and today is our actual first day, since I’m going to run it like  a Tuesday/Thursday. I’m hoping I haven’t left out anything really important that will end up backfiring on me but we’ll see; students are pretty good at pointing out things that are messed up so they’ll probably let me know.

Now, to end this entry, a list of random thoughts:

  • Mike Vick ought to have vicious dogs as his cellmates.
  • My fantasy draft in league #2 is this Friday – yay!
  • I heart lattes
  • I can’t wait until Fall
  • I’m sick of carpal tunnel
  • Happy Tuesday!

Full term, party of one

Yes, 37 weeks is considered full term these days and that’s what I am today. ::Does the full term dance:: He can come at any time now. Although, as previously stated, I’d really rather he stay in there slightly longer – maybe until the 17th – just so all will go as planned. But as we all know, things don’t normally do that.

Yesterday was a pretty full day. We serviced our lawn mower (all by ourselves) and then Ash mowed the majority of the lawn. Yes, a 37 week pregnant woman still did the rest. Why? Because I can’t just sit around all day! We did other various things and saw War at 10:30. I dozed throughout because I was just exhausted but I don’t really recommend that movie. All it made me do was have dreams about Japanese people, good and bad. And there were some ninjas too. But at least I slept a full night for once. It’s a miracle.

Anyway, tomorrow is going to be busy and crazy and I’m probably going to go in early and leave late. That’s the way the first day of Fall semester always is. But I love it; I love when days fly by and I go home accomplished. To any and all reading who go back to school tomorrow, I wish you luck.

What raccoons taught me

My husband is always speculating on the future –

how he will someday run his own business,

because he is cut out for management

Sometimes I nod and mutter agreement as he goes on about his goals

But tonight, the odor of the rotting raccoon carcass is too distracting

The first night, he was accompanied by a smaller,

perhaps female, body, still in the road, fresh from the kill – unexpected strike of an SUV

The next night, a kind soul had drug their pelts to the shoulder, placing them side by side.


My husband holds back a branch so I can walk by safely and surely, because carrying this

extra weight out front throws off my balance.

We walk every other evening to stave off the excess weight of pregnancy, to keep me and

baby healthy. Two point two miles, up a few hills, and past the same raccoon grave.


After a week, one of the bodies disappeared and one remained.

After two weeks, the smell went away as his form began to assimilate with the earth,

sinking deeper, becoming skeletal and as we walk by, husband holding branch and

my lopsided body maneuvering the uneven sidewalk, I cannot help but feel embraced

by the irony of the situation; that we walk past the dead each night as we nurture the

living, striving to improve our living condition and pass on our health to the next in line.


Last night we didn’t even look in the grass, for we knew it was still there.

It has not ceased to be raccoon but it didn’t make me sad anymore; that

he is dead and someday so will we all be, even my son, who has not yet been born.

Pointless entries begin with weather talk

It rained in the night so as I was walking up to my building this morning, a cool breeze met my face. It took me a few minutes to realize just how nice it was; how unseasonably pleasant that bit of wind made the morning. It actually reminded me of some late October days when I lived in Hollywood. Down south, you don’t get many cool days. But I remember some like this, when my mother would come into my room and open the blue mini blinds and crank the window open. The air seemed to bring a bit of Fall with is; it almost smelled cleaner even.

I look forward to Autumn. I imagine cool November mornings on the deck, eating toast and sipping tea while my son sits in his little seat, looking up into the trees.

As much as I want to believe I am ready to have this baby, I am also semi-superstitious that your mind has a lot of control over actuality and I keep reminding myself to think 40 week thoughts. I must stick it out. I want him to cook as long as possible in there and I also – on a sort of selfish note – want him to come on time so I can finish up the work I need to do here. The drop/add portion of the semester’s beginning is incredibly hectic and I want to handle it my way and then be done. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, really.

I took the plunge and bought those elusive spring clips from the “Do It Best” website. They had the lowest per item price plus the cheapest shipping. I could have paid 2 bucks per clip on some other site but the shipping was 9 dollars, as opposed to 5.  I really hope this does the trick for the quilt. Then I’ll be basically done with the decorating I want to do. Well, I want to hang these two shelves but I’ll wait to break out the drill until the weekend.

I’m incredibly tired today, as usual, so I think I’ll take my lunch at noon and go home to sleep for a bit. My days of getting ample sleep are over. I probably won’t know a good night’s sleep for at least the next 4-5 years. Sigh.

Humpday hijinx

I didn’t blog yesterday; this is due to numerous reasons. None of which I claim to be excuses. I’m not apologizing; no one is around to read this anyway. I notice that my numbers seem to trail off right before a semester begins. I guess we’re all just busy. I know I am. I am also exhausted. I’m talking seriously depleted of all available energy. Must find energon cubes… Ok, if you got that, I’ll really send you a cookie. No kidding.

Anyway, this carpal tunnel is a bitch. I awoke at 1 am with numb hands. And at 2. And at 3 and then from 3-4 I was awake but in a state of drifting off while sitting up, mindlessly shaking my hand sort of like my grandma used to do, because of her old tired muscles or something. The two middle fingers on my right hand would not stop buzzing and the dull ache radiated up my arm and stalled in my elbow where it engulfed the area in pain. Yes, my friend, pregnancy is really fun and I just keep telling myself that there MUST be a reason that women were the chosen sex for this task. We must somehow be more tolerant but yet, at 2 AM, I feel awfully weak.

But for the love of pete, we should really talk about something other than pregnancy for once! Alas, the things going on in my life are pretty boring. We could discuss my dog’s explosive vomit, or the semi-dorky LAN party we’re planning for Friday. Or my car’s oil change that made me happy. Or that I have hardcore cleaned my office and now it looks like I don’t actually do any work because there’s no evidence of work-related items. But it’s seriously organized up in here! I even have little tags for where things go. The girl who’ll be filling for me might be slightly freaked out by my OCD habits. Or she might appreciate the direction I’ve given her instead of feeling totally lost. I know I would.

I know it’s only Wednesday but I’m already planning for the weekend. Should we see Superbad or War?

Rush/FYE – Helpful tips for the sheeple

I dread this week far more than the first week of school, which is busier, crazier, much more stressful. Why do I hate this week? Because all the clones are rushing and freshmen doing FYE (First Year Experience) are in the buildings, hanging out and talking about their various problems. Normally this wouldn’t affect me except that a group has parked themselves directly outside my door and they don’t give a care whether I’m you know, working or anything. I am fairly unsympathetic towards the frosh because they have it SO much easier than I ever did. I couldn’t park on campus, no one showed me where to go, and no way in hell did the school offer such a support group as this FYE hold your hand like a kindergartner bullshit.

So a few handy dandy tips for the freshmeat and the sorostitute wanna-bes:

  • Do not think for one second that wearing the same dress as 200 other girls makes you cool.
  • Don’t bother thinking people care about you once school begins. Wait until you have to deal with the University Center in any capacity or pay your on-campus cable bill.
  • Waving a fan while walking in 100 degree weather, even with a slight breeze, does nothing except make you look pretentious.
  • No matter how much crap they tell you or how many little kumbaya circles you sit in prior to the beginning of school, something will come up that you were not prepared for.
  • Walk. Just walk. Get out of peoples’ way and don’t lolligag about with your little spritzer fans and baggies full of free promotional join our house of falsity garbage.
  • And for both groups: sitting on the floor on the other side of a solid wood double door will only get you blasted as I come through because I actually work here.

Can’t you feel the love I hold for these people? Maybe it’s pregnancy hormones or maybe I’ve just been around long enough to realize that you gotta get your shit together at some point and this isn’t the way. But hey, to each his own. It takes all kinds.

Hold the line

I think it’s natural to be nesting when you’re pregnant but this might be a little early. I did a ton of things today. I started off by looking through all the pregnancy/parenting related magazines and cutting out good resource articles, then filing them in a folder by category. Then I did laundry, a bit of yardwork, replaced the A/C register in the nursery, installed the kid seat in the car, swept the floors, cleaned off my desk, and THEN, I took a nap, when Ash got back. A much need, well-deserved nap.

Once again, I didn’t relax a whole lot during my weekend. Well, I did watch Casino Royale last night. There’s always time for some Daniel Craig ogling. Guh.

I think my kid likes Def Leppard. Whenever I play them he kicks and moves around a lot. That’s right, my little rock baby. Heh heh. He doesn’t seem to keen on Toto though. Kid, this is classic stuff, learn to love.

If you notice the flickr widget, I uploaded some old pics. I used to worry too much about how I looked back then and showing that to people I know now but you know what? Ijust don’t care. So check out the old pics and have a happy Sunday.

Laying around eating bon-bons

It’s kind of lame to be blogging at 10:48 at night – a Saturday night no less – but that’s just the kind of loser I am: a 36 week pregnant woman who didn’t spend enough time before getting hitched and knocked up to cultivate good friends. Ok ok, maybe I’m being hard on myself. Maybe the rain and all that blueberry cobbler has gone straight to my head and the pregnancy hormones that cause weepiness are forcing the emotions out of me. But being in this state certainly plops me into an interesting category. Not a grad student anymore, not a club-goer, not a huge drinker, not a mom – yet -, not a big socializer. I’m just preoccupied. But it can be so discouraging when your husband’s friend manages only one extra ticket to the Jaguars preseason game. I wish I could have gone but at least Ash could have a good time. And anyway, I got to watch it on TV.

But I wish I had something to do tonight. Something besides watching tv and eating chicken from Fresh Market and watching the rain fall on the deck. I almost cannot wait for this baby to be born when I can start going to the free mom support groups over at Best Beginnings. I think that’s a good place to find new friends; we’ll all have something in common.


Before Ash headed over to Jax, we went and got him a new phone. I must say, it was time. His was old, beat to hell, and couldn’t hold a charge for more than half a day. So now he has a nice new, reliable Blackberry and I can email him at work now and send him lots of pictures of the baby when he comes. Makes me kinda want one of these. But I know I won’t ever own anything so fancy; I don’t see the point.

Anyway, I have a swig or two left of a Stewarts rootbeer out in the fridge and I think the dogs need to go out. If anyone has ideas on the whole making friends when you are pregnant/a new mom, feel free to share. Happy weekend.

The Elusive 3M Command Spring Clip

So yes, my grand plan for displaying the quilt that came with my crib set (see: picture of set) was to buy these. I weighed the quilt – well, I weighed me then weighed me with the quilt – and it’s only about a pound. According to this one website I found, a clip can supposedly hold half a pound. Well, I’d obviously need two so to me, the logic works. Of course, 3M’s site claims that “doubling up” is not a solution for trying to hold more weight. ANYway, I cannot find these stupid things anywhere. I have been to all the Targets and Walmarts and Staples and Office supply everywheres but no one has them. Well, I called Office Depot to see if they had it in their system and as it turns out, it is discontinued in their stores. I have been able to find it online but this definitely explains why stores do not carry them.

Once I have the quilt on the wall, the room will be nearly finished. I think my nesting instinct is what is driving me so crazy. I want this thing to be done now! I want this baby to be slumbering peacefully in his Sea Life decorated crib and wearing his cute little onesies. I am so over this pregnancy, as much as it pains me to admit it. Roughly 4 more weeks people. Just FOUR MORE WEEKS.